Moments today... Memories tomorrow!!!

Oil Paintings - 1 : Nature

2011-03-20T10:18:00.004+05:30

I always had a thing for colours and painting but never got a chance to learn in my growing-up years, so much caught up I was, in my studies (or so I believed!). My brother is an obscenely creative guy - can work his magic with words and pencils alike (and I do not say this just coz am his Sis!!).

My colleague in office started her drawing classes, working towards her Intermediate Drawing exams and one day we were discussing painting over lunch and I was asked whether I draw. That question rekindled my love for colours and now that I had complete control over my time and priorities, I thought, Why Not!

So, in the weekend, I picked up oil colours, canvases, brushes, thinner and inspiration from youtube. Going through step-by-step on how to use oil on canvas, these are my very first creations...

My first inspiration was Michael Thompson and reproduced above is his painting.

I was so excited when I completed this :)...

Eagerly waited for the upcoming weekend... couldn't wait to put paint to paper again...

Here was what I reproduced from my inspiration here - Bunches of Hydrangea.

I have fallen in love with oils... they give a beautiful texture and there is so much one can do.

I hope to sustain this passion for painting...

Yummy Apple Cake

2010-03-16T23:16:00.009+05:30

I am not a fruity person... I don't mind co-existing with fruits but we don't have much in common. And I am not much into cakes either. (The only thing I love about home-made cakes is my mum making them and moi licking the vessel clean!). I was at the super market, picking up provisions for the week, when I saw fresh red apples. They were almost calling out to me! (Fruits have never spoken to me before!) So, in all impulsiveness, I picked up a few. Once home, however, I didn't know what to do with them. Finally, I decided the only way I can finish all the apples at one go (so that I would not feel guilty about buying them without a purpose - and I can hear some men sighing thinking that this is what most women do all the time in shopping!), is to bake a cake with them. So, I modified the standard cake making recipe (since I wanted it to be low calorie) to bake the Yummy Apple Cake as I now call it.

With the TV switched on to the DLF IPL Chennai Super Kings v/s Kolkata Knight Riders with the crowds cheering and Dhoni doing what he does best - dho daalna, I embarked on my baking mission.

Here's what I used :
4 fresh red apples,
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla essence
2 eggs
2 tbsp sugar (apples have a sweetness of their own so too much sugar won't be necessary and we are treading the low calorie path, remember!)

...and what I did :
1. Wash 3 apples under running water and make a paste in the mixer. I kept the skin of the apples on, which gave the paste a slightly grainy texture.
2. Add the eggs and beat the mix well.
3. Mix in the vanilla essence and sugar. Continue stirring well.
4. Sift flour and baking powder 2-3 times in a separate bowl.
5. One spoon at a time, pour in the flour mix into the egg mix, stirring constantly. Mix everything together until a smooth batter of even consistency is formed.

6. Take a microwave safe bowl, grease with very little butter and dust flour on the base and sides (or line with greaseproof paper).
7. Microwave on a high for 3 minutes. Then pre-heat to 220 degree celcius and microwave for about 8 minutes or till a wooden toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. I kept checking every 3 odd minutes, since I was using the microwave to bake a cake for the first time. Spend these minutes doing full justice to licking the mixing bowl clean.
8. Take the cake out and leave it to cool.
9. Take the last apple, skin it and slice it into very small pieces. Dust it with half tsp sugar (you can omit the sugar if the apples are very sweet) and microwave on high for about 2 minutes till they are soft.
10. Layer the cake with these soft, gooey apply slices, dust some powdered sugar on it and digg in.

White!!!

2010-03-10T23:21:00.002+05:30

Master Blaster

2010-03-09T21:33:00.004+05:30

I am not a cricket fan... I would much rather watch a movie or read stuff or blog rather than watch a cricket match. The only time I have enjoyed a cricket match is at the MA Chidambaram Stadium, commonly known as the Chepauk, in Chennai when, on 23rd April 2008, Mahendra Singh Dhoni led Chennai Super Kings clashed with Harbhajan Singh led Mumbai Indians. The electrifying atmosphere, Shivamani, Hariharan's live performances, the dance and jingles of the cheer leaders and the 'Mexican Wave' of hands going around again and again, around the stadium.

But when it comes to the Master Blaster, its show-time, folks. To quote from the Times Of India, 'Just 147 balls later, Tendulkar set the record straight in emphatic fashion. A staggering 2,961 matches and almost 39 years after the first ODI was played the Little Legend finally became the first cricketer to score 200 in a one-dayer, propelled by a record 25 fours in one knock.'

The Time Magazine's quote on Sachin: "When Sachin Tendulkar travelled to Pakistan to face one of the finest bowling attacks ever assembled in cricket, Michael Schumacher was yet to race a F1 car, Lance Armstrong had never been to the Tour de France, Diego Maradona was still the captain of a world champion Argentina team, Pete Sampras had never won a Grand Slam. When Tendulkar embarked on a glorious career taming Imran and company, Roger Federer was a name unheard of; Lionel Messi was in his nappies, Usain Bolt was an unknown kid in the Jamaican backwaters. The Berlin Wall was still intact, USSR was one big, big country, Dr Manmohan Singh was yet to "open" the Nehruvian economy. It seems while Time was having his toll on every individual on the face of this planet, he excused one man. Time stands frozen in front of Sachin Tendulkar. We have had champions, we have had legends, but we have never had another Sachin Tendulkar and we never will."

He will always remain a man for whom excellence is a habit, who is so devoted to his craft, so enthusiastic still, that with experience he has mastered the art of seamlessly binding talent, discipline and perspicacity, all without compromising on style, for maximum gain in a team cause.

Sachin, You Rock!!!

To be a mother...

2010-03-07T16:26:00.005+05:30

This is from a very old e-mail I'd received and treasured. Guys, be warned, this has a strong dose of senti and girlie-wisdom... !

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all.

I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?". That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child.That she would give up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love someone who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with their child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

This post has always left me a little loss for words... and although I understand all that has been written and spoken about motherhood, it is a huge step in itself and a whole new world. At the end of the day, for parents, what is most important is not the ability to have children but the courage and conviction to raise them and raise then well. It's a lovely little adventure to be on!

Bollywood's IMDB - ReviewGang

2010-03-03T18:56:00.006+05:30

I am a Bollywood fan... I love to watch movies and I love everything about them - the songs, music, romance, drama, dialogues – from SRK's kisi cheez ko agar dil se chaho to saari kainath tumhe usse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai (OSO), Bade bade desho mein aisi chhoti chhoti baatein hoti rehti hain (DDLJ) to Mogambo Khush Hua (Mr. India) & Kitne aadmi the (Sholay), the roona-dhona, hasna-gaana, the works! When I watch movies, I get drawn into the plot, identify with the characters and for the brief 150 or so minutes, I know I want to be in that world, particulary since I know that most Bollywood movies end on a ‘Happily-Ever-After’ note.

Being more drawn into Hindi movies than English ones, I find IMDB not adequate for Bollywood reviews. I search youtube for trailers and songs, news websites to read on what the critics have commented, a few of my favourite blogs and user sites to read movie-goers' reviews and finally decide whether or not I should go for the movie or just wait for it to do a ‘World-TV-Premiere’ and watch it free from the comforts of my home. Getting together so much information is tiresome at times and yet it is something I think most of us Bollywood-Buffs do, irrespective of whether the movie is a run-away hit or a dismal flop. That’s where ‘Review-Gang’ was born.

I like ReviewGang for its simple and clean interface. Although initially I had found the logo way too simple, it now stands out in the movies’ poster watermark very well. (Being a woman I guess I look at aesthetics way ahead of checking the utility :) ). But the site is great utility as well. What is interesting about it is that it gives the Critic review, User reviews, Links, Music, Videos, Trailers and Ratings all in one place. One can even look at up-coming releases and watch their videos and trailers. And what’s cooler is that in addition to giving a weighted rating on a scale of 1 to 10, aggregated from the ratings given by critics, it allows users to rate movies through a separate Viewer’s Rating (So now I can Voice out MY Ratings alongside Anupama Chopra & Nikhat Kazmi!!). I even wrote a few reviews for the site. And one can become a FaceBook fan here.

So, in complete Bollywood ishtyle, Tamaam gawaahon aur sabooton ko maddhe nazar rakhte hue ye adalat iss nateeje par pahuchi hai ki ReviewGang ke khilaf koi saboot nahin hai; issliye ye adalat ReviewGang ko baaizzat bari karti hai. After all, FIRST IMPRESSION... IZ the LAST IMPRESSION... Jhakaazzz……. (Anil Kapoor!) (Keeping in mind all the testinomials and proofs, the court has come to the conclusion that there is nothing against ReviewGang which makes it guilty; in light of the same, this court acquits ReviewGang restoring full honours. - a very popular Hindi Filmi dialogue)

Incredible India!!! Incredible Andamans!

2009-12-13T14:02:00.005+05:30

This was a 5-day trip that we made to Havelock and what a vacation it was...

The Port Blair airport is just 10 minutes away from the dock where the ferry transports you to this island. The ferry charges could be a little high (around 13$ - 20$) but it takes just 1.5 hours to get you to Havelock as against a boat which could take you anywhere between 4-6 hours. Also, the ferry is air conditioned with plush seats and a food counter inside where you can pick up snacks.

DiveIndia picked us up from the airport to the ferry and from Havelock ferry dock to the resort. One of the first things that strikes you about Island Vinnie's is the proximity to the beach the the lush greenery. The Cabanas are adequately big, clean with water and electricity. Each has a hammock for lazy evenings. There are hammocks on the beach, under the shades of big trees, for a quiet snooze by the beach. There are the two huge and absolutely adorable dogs - Frodo and Sam, one a golden retriever and the other a Labrador - who are everywhere, frolicking in the waves or rolling about in the sand or getting petted by everyone.

The biggest attraction for this resort are the dive courses - PADI, SSI etc that they offer. The instructors are extremely competent, patient and jolly. There's never a moment's unpleasantness in this place. Everyone seems to be looking at the brighter side of life and that is so contagious.

Most of the travelers there are foreign nationals who keep coming back for their love of the sea and diving and if you are someone who loves a good conversation over some good beer (or lemonade), this is the place. Mornings, the resort wears an almost empty look with almost all guests and Dive teams out in the sea but come afternoon, the boats start heading back and with it, divers with diverse and incredible stories to tell - whether it is the colourful soft corals, the barracudas, octopus, the schools of vibrant fish or the sharks or just the excited first-time diver who has managed to stay underwater with the Buoyancy Compensator and wet suits - it is an infectious enthusiasm.

The evening wears on with people reading up their theoretical course books or just reading up on the aquatic life.

The Full Moon Cafe serves limited veg and non-veg dishes. I would recommend the roasted chicken with mashed potatoes, masala omlette, lemonade with mint and fish / chicken fried rice. The portions are adequate.

If you are not diving, there is plenty that you can do. Rent a bike / scooty / cycle and explore the Island. Radha Nagar Beach No. 7 is another not-to-be-missed location. The beachline is long with lush green forests, giant trees and elephants. The way to the beach is winding peppered with lush meadows, clusters of coconut trees, lotuses and wild flowers.

If you are someone who likes the comforts of home, wants a spa and air-condition in your room, Havelock may not be for you. But if you love the unknown, the sand, sea, surf and meeting new people and prefer pristine beaches, this is it.

Even if you don't stay at the Island Vinnie's resort, the warmth of the people, the experience of the Divers and the diverse people that you will meet here, makes it sure worth a visit. And am sure, the resort will grow on you...

A Jelly-fishy Day!

2009-06-21T02:46:00.001+05:30

Picked it up from a forum... Love it!

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office.I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea, heats it to a delightful temperature, then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my bum started to itch.So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my bum started to burn!I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my bum was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my bum.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my bum as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poo for two days because my bum was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your arse. Now repeat to yourself, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job. Remember whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

Rishta - Unka Hamaari Peedha Se - Part 3

2009-06-20T20:50:00.003+05:30

Continuing the Peedha and More Peedha, because of trackers, here's another one by 'The Sun'...

Toh mere sahyogiyon... kya badh gaya hai trackeron kay prati aapka pyar?

Sab apney apney sessions mein hain involved.
Kar rahein hai apni apni employees ko evolve?
Kabhi coaching to kabhi mentoring par hum de rahein hai gyaan..
Mr. K key dashboards par bhi hai humein abhimaan!

Bus kya karien inkey data requests say hi lagtaa hai dar..
HC recon kartey kartey jayegi hamaari zindagi guzar..
Palat kar dekha to ho rahi thee nayey praniyon ki entry..
MA, SMA ban gayey HR team ke centre of gravity..

Bas aagey kya bolein...

Humein hai aapkey inputs ka besabri sey intezaar..

Dissappoint mat karo yaar!

To which I responded :

Aur trackers hamare liye gaayenge...
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you.

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I’ll be watching you.

And those who can't live without them...

Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but it's you I can't replace
Oh trackers, can't you see
You belong to me

Jo trackers se Karen pyaar, woh MS excel se kaise kare inkaar?

An Ode to Mumbai Local Trains

2009-06-18T23:22:00.001+05:30

We Mumbaikars (I may be in Tamland married in Malluland but I sure am a Mumbaikar and will remain so, all my life) spend a lot of time discussing the 3:26 Virar Fast, the 5:44 Borivili Double Fast, the 10:26 Kurla Harbour local, 11:09 Dombivili Fast, because, to a large extent, our life depends on these local suburban trains. Don't ever mention the word peak hour. On the suburban trains, every hour is peak hour, including ek challis ki last local from Churchgate. The activity at the Churchgate and Victoria (Chatrapati Shivaji) Terminus stations, with a fully packed train arriving or leaving every two minutes, amazes me. The sea of humanity outside Dadar station every evening could be frightening. But it shows what the trains mean to us.

The experience of traveling in a Mumbai local can range from exhilarating, frustrating and occasionally frightening. There are times, with each train carrying more than five thousand passengers rather than the intended fifteen hundred when I wondered how I got into the crowded coaches and how I managed to get out. But then you miss out a lot of Mumbai life if you do not travel by the suburban trains.

I learnt a lot about life in the city from the trains. During peak hours, there was hardly any difference between the first class and the second class coaches. Even with millions travelling, almost everyone possessed a ticket or a pass. Unmindful of discomfort, the passengers chatted, gossiped, played cards and sang bhajans. I learnt a lot from their chatter. I got the latest twist in the Ambani power struggle and received tips on how to make rasam and appam from the South Indian lady passengers. The most heated discussions invariably took place during the elections or a cricket match when the fortunes of the parties or the teams were debated. And if you are a regular viewer of the K-serials and if you’ve missed the previous evening’s telecast, there’s no better place to catch up than the local trains.

Part of the education of commuting was rushing in first and trying to grab the window seat. The seat can accommodate three passengers comfortably but a fourth one invariably nudges and tries to squeeze in. Well, all you can do is glare at her and mutter something and hope she would away. But typically, you would get into the same situation the next day. saying - zaara adjust kar lo!

Commuting at leisure can lead to rumination. I used to wonder at the romance of station names like Cotton Green, King's Circle, Sandhurst Road, Santa Cruz and the harshness of desi station names like Chinchpokli or Ghatkopar. I remember hearing fashionable Christian girls pronouncing Kandivili as "Candyville" rhyming with Pleasantville, a New York suburb. Speaking of girls, it was the general belief that girls on the Western Railway were prettier and more fashionably dressed than the ones commuting by the Central. Don't ask me why! But then watching the Ladies Specials on both the Railways made one forget about glamour; the women pushed and barged in with a ferocity which would put male commuters to shame. Did anyone say weaker sex? For the timid, getting into and off a Mumbai train is close to a life altering experience. Engulfed in a sea of humanity, the hapless commuter just flows with the tide. Getting off crowded trains will redefine the meaning of personal space for you. The rides are so crowded that people even take the train in the opposite direction to one of the ends of the lines -- just so they can try and get a seat when the train turns around!

So what are the rules of commuting? The unwritten ones are :

1. No baggage Rule : There's just no space and in rush hours, either you get in sans the luggage or stay out!

2. Getting Off Rule : Stand near the door, atleast one stop away from your destination in empty compartments and in case your station is among the next three upcoming ones, do not even venture near a seat. It is common for passengers near to tap each other’s shoulders asking for their destination. These people aren’t (usually) serial stalkers; they’re looking to position themselves for the 10-second window during which they can exit.

3. Seat Reservation Rule : If you want to sit, stand in between the 3-seaters and ask the seated passengers 'Kaha uttarna hai' (Where do you want to alight?) If their destination is before yours, you point to yourself, then to him/her. A head bob from the seated party seals the deal, and your bum will soon be riding in style.

4. Helping-Hand Rule : You must, with the aid of your fellow passengers, scoop a passenger running towards the doorway.Everyone works together to get you on the train before it departs.

5. Sharing Rule : Newspapers are public goods in the Mumbai trains. If you don’t like people reading over your shoulder, then catch up on the latest Satyam development at your breakfast table. If you are reading newspaper in the train, you need to share it with atleast 3 of your co-passengers.

In Mumbai, local trains are the heart and soul of the city. It breathes life into Mumbai at the break of dawn and cradles the city to sleep, if only for a few hours. It truely is the lifeline. No other city, I know of, has such a plethora of people inter-mingling at one place and sharing moments of their lives together, even if it only is for a few hours.

Corporate Theatre

2009-06-14T18:42:00.002+05:30

I have learnt the concept of training during my post-graduation course and have implemented it at various occasions in my work-life. I have also got trained by various methodologies in the last few years. But this was my first exposure to Corporate Theatre and training through the theatre methodology and what a refreshing experience it was...

This was the introduction sheet to the training :

Dress Code: Absolutely Informal. Wear something loose and comfortable that will allow sitting, lying, or rolling on the floor. (Rolling on the floor‼ - was this corporate training or some kid's workshop?) Ladies are advised to avoid Saris as they inhibit free movement.

Bring nothing with you - no notebooks, pads, or pens. Note-taking is strictly forbidden.

Footwear to be left outside the hall. Along with footwear, participants are requested to leave adult personalities, seniority, designations, and hierarchy, outside. Whatever is needed from among these can be retrieved on the way back after the workshop. (I completely loved this statement).

Bring cameras along. You will catch yourselves and each other in amazing postures and costumes and with unbelievable expressions that you may find difficult to replicate afterwards. You will want to preserve them for posterity and show it to parents, spouses, children, and grandchildren down the years. However don't expect them to believe it is YOU !! (This really intrigued my imagination!)

When I read this as a prelude to a training program I was scheduled to attend later in the week, I was sure about one thing : it would not be the conventional training programs that I've been used to.

When I entered the hotel and was ushered to the Training Center, I was surprised to find that there were no chairs, no projectors, laptops - not even a whiteboard or a flip-chart. Instead, there were mattresses and bolsters along the three walls at one end of the hall. All chairs were stacked in one corner. And the participants were stretched out comfortably on the mattresses and bolsters, casually chatting with each other. The atmosphere was warm and if I may add, very homely!

Mr. Paul Mathew, the trainer, came across as someone who was really passionate about theatre and his entire life was dedicated to this sole passion. He emphasized the basic learning principles on which the "Corporate Theatre" methodology is based:

1. Learning happens best in the 'child' state : In the 'adult' state, one has most of the answers, very few questions. Made a lot of sense. Have you heard any kid say / think : What will my mom / dad / teacher / friend think of me if I ask them this question? They are free from the 'looking good' mentality and hence are open to a huge amount of learning - their curiosity for learning and inconsideration towards 'What-Will-Others-Think' attitude, fosters an immense speed , gamut of exposure and assimilation of knowledge. As we grow, we get into a lot of complexities and our inhibitions and ego that we already know so much stop us from asking questions and thus our learning becomes lesser and lesser.

2. No one can train another : The onus is on the learner. Unless the learner chooses to learn, learning does not take place. True, isn't it? Until and unless you want to learn, you may be present at the workshop physically but me mentally absent.

3. One person's knowledge need not be relevant to another : Learning is best when each one gets in touch with their own wisdom. This I completely relate to. The 'Aa-ha' moment comes when a particular point sticks on to you since you can relate to it from your past experiences. The other participants also hear the same lines but they may not get impacted the way you do. And then no amount of note-taking is necessary. It remains with you long after the sessions are done.

4. Transformation is the most immediate and direct result of learning : If there is no transformation, there has been no learning. This sums up any training program. Change and learning are essential to training and if there is positive transformation, even in a small measure, the training has impacted you.

The training was competely an activity based methodology and we did various group tasks, the finale being, using basic artcles like chart paper, bed sheets, felt pens etc, to create a scene which would not have dialogues but we would freeze, on the count, and basis our expressons, arrangement of the props etc, the other groups would have to guess what we were portraying.

My biggest learning out of this workshop was that, a diverse group of people, from various walks of life, can play up to their strengths and keeping their individual ego aside, work with single minded focus so that the team wins. Individuals didn't have to be complete in themselves but the team neede to be, by playing up to each individual's strengths.

Paul stretched this concept of teamwork into the way we use Performance Appraisals in our workplaces. He stressed on the fact that an incorrect appraisal system could make people compete against each other in an unhealthy way rather than collaborating to work towards team goals.

Differentiation is key in team appraisals, on the lines of what I had discussed in my post 'For Whom the Bell Tolls'. But the process should be such that if the team loses, no one gets rewarded, no matter how well they have individually performed. If the team succeeds in iys objective, everyone gets amply rewarded. And here, the winning team will differentiate its performers into top, middle and bottom.

Over a couple of cycles of appraisal, this will ensure that the Team weeds out the non-committed far more ruthlessly than a 'boss' can do it. Only those who can and want to contribute, are tolerated by a natural Team. When the Team does the rating, there is no perceived unfairness or injustice. It is not one person's appraisal. And unless a Team is 'suicidal' the rating will be ruthlessly fair. If not, they realize that ultimately everyone loses.

As I have said earlier, only a robust Performance Management System can build credibility in the process. There are various ways to differentiate and this is one of the ways.

I Know What's On Your Mind!!!

2009-06-01T22:48:00.000+05:30

News has emerged from Google’s offices that should send a shiver down every employee’s back (and make Human Resources jump with joy). Google, concerned by the recent departures of several top executives, has developed an algorithm to try to identify which employees are likely to quit, according to a report in the Wall Street Journal. The algorithm would crunch “data from employee reviews and promotion and pay histories in a mathematical formula” and would show which of its employees were the most likely to quit soon. Laszlo Bock, who runs human resources for Google, told the Journal the algorithm helps the company "get inside people's heads even before they know they might leave."

This algorithm has huge potential - a boon of sorts to HR. Imagine its powers. Catch employees going away on holidays too often or falling sick time and again, take his ratings, promotions and pay histories and presto : you know whether he is headed to the hospital or on his way out of your company. HR's job and primary KRA (Key Responsibility Area) will now become what Sherlock Holmes and our very own Byomkesh Bakshi did - track, follow, pursue, shadow and nab the traitors! Loyal employees who are dedicated and trusty have nothing to hide and nothing to fear. But the plotting, calculating, conniving and devious ones - Beware!

How many times have you bumped into your bosses, super-bosses and the Company CEO's and MD's and have been casually asked : So, how are you finding the company? And how many times have you answered with all the earnestness and emphasis in your command : It's going absolutely great, Sir. I totally love my job. Do we really have to follow a Light's Out policy at 8PM and no work on Sundays? I could get so much more done if I were allowed to stay the nights and work on weekends… (while your mind is conjuring up pleasant images of your seniors' faces on your favorite dartboard and you hitting bull’s eye and yelling - I hate you, your freaking job and your stupid company. If I could, I'd write out my resignation letter and throw it on your face. After I am gone, I hope your work suffers, you get demoted / pink-slipped and you feel cold, alone and uncared for, just as I have). But do you say this? Nope! You play your cards close to your heart, smile broadly, look happy and lie through your nose. Convincingly. Repeatedly.

So will you now get caught by the HR Under-cover Agents if you even just think of lying? Thankfully, the answer, for now, seems to be No. People Management magazine reported that the chances of Google commercially releasing the quitter finder algorithm were dim. A spokesman for Google clarified that, “The development of HR algorithms is not our core business”.

However, fore-warned is fore-armed. You are behind enemy lines and are constantly being watched.

After all, the New HR Mantra is :

Every breath you take / Every move you make / Every bond you break / Every step you take

I’ll be watching you.

Every single day / Every word you say / Every game you play /Every night you stay

I’ll be watching you.

Every move you make / Every vow you break / Every smile you fake/Every claim you stake

I’ll be watching you

I Am India...

2009-05-23T01:22:00.002+05:30

I am India....

I remember in March 1993, when the skyline of Bombay was almost blown off with a series of bomb blast...bombs went off at the Bombay Stock Exchange building, Air India building, Masjid Bunder, a bus near Passport Office, a building near Poonam Chambers, Plaza cinema hall at Dadar, Centaur Hotel Juhu and Sea Rock Hotel at Bandra ... to name a few. Thousands lost their lives, thousand others were wounded and the poor became poorer still. I obviously knew who had done it but I was asked by the so-called powerful nations to restrain myself and not jump to conclusions. After all, I am the country where great leaders like Mahatma Gandhi have preached non-violence, to give the other cheek if I am slapped on one. How can I then be a hypocrite in front of the world and resort to voilence? So, I allowed terrorists likes Dawood and Tiger Memon to escape out to Pakistan / Dubai and lead lavish lives. The world, not surprisingly had a very short memory and carried on and no one bothered.

I have always been surrounded by rogue states and unstable governments. And my borders are so vast and varied that I am vulnerable from various sides. And Pakistan has been a neighbour which constantly keeps reminding me of its existence. A few years later Pakistan again was at war with me. Kargil was a full-fleged war on my people. It was horrifying to say the least . And what did it yield except the Powers-that-be telling me to restrain and work towards 'samjhauta'... The world knows what happened to the Express which went by that name. A compromise which would mean handing over Kashmir on a platter to my neighbours!

I have produced proof after proof of Pakistan being the birthplace and nurturer of terror. And can Pak sustain its terror activities without the support of its military? Where does its arms and ammunition come from? Where does the money come in? When documents were produced stating that France continues to sell arms to Pakistan, no embargo, no sanctions but "good advice' was given. I was reminded that I am the world's largest Democracy and hence should be the big sister to a nation who in fact is a day older than us!

Do you remember December 1999? It was Christmas time, and the whole world was celebrating the end of the century and the beginning to a new millennium. But how was it made immortal in our minds? The hijack of Flight IC 814. In the middle of no-where, in Kandahaar, the plight of the passengers and the crew was in the hands of the terrorists. My countrymen watched horrified and with bated breath to hear any news on the return of their near and dear ones . Did any country in the world come forward with a solution? I had to fend for myself.

I carried out the Pokhran II nuclear test, the whole world was quick to condemn me, US sanctions were the first to be implemented. Pakistan was given as much support as required.

I find it extremely ironical that the big bully who did not think twice before the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima / Nagasaki, raced to wipe out Vietnam, eagerly instigated the Afghans against Soviet Union (and so, in a large respect, aided the creation of Taliban), time and again reminded their next generation that they should fight for justice turns face about when it comes to their country? America, the country who finds it difficult to swallow the same bitter pill, the developed nation who had no clue of what was going to happen to them on a Tuesday morning, who had no inkling of events to unfold... the same country who has all along just given me lip service got full support from me in its time of need.

From the riots of 1993 to the Taj bombing of 2008, I have been bleeding... crying... tolerating... sacrificing. I was once regarded as the most secular, cohesive and peaceful democracy but now am being broken down to pieces. At times, I think it is a battle - a war that I have allowed too many countries to meddle in and distort the real essence of .

Is Kashmir my only problem? What about the rampant lawlessness in states like Bihar and UP? And the under-development in the BiMaRU states? And how can I forget my patriotic 'netas' who, in the garb of preserving my culture, create communal and civil violence. Do you, my country-men (and women) vote for a party or against it? Why is there so much criminalization of politics and corruption right from the lower to the topmost rung in society?

When you go for movies, do you stant up for the National Anthem with a sense of pride or do you, in your minds, keep thinking 'What a waste of time this is'... Well, if you do, here's a new anthem for you... Sing it and feel ashamed. Jaya he!!! (or is it Jai Ho!!!)

Jana Gana Mana Rann hai..
Iss rann me, Zakhmi Bharat ka Bhagya Vidhaata..
Punjab Sindh Gujrat Maratha..
Ek doosre se lad ke mar rahe hain...
Iss desh ne humko ek kiya,
Aur hum desh ke tukde kar rahe hain..
Dravid Utkala Banga..!
Khoon bahakar ek rang ka, kar diya humne Tiranga,
Sarhadon pe jung aur, galiyon me fasaad-danga..
Vindh Himachal Yamuna Ganga, mein tezaab ubal raha hai,
Mar gaya sab ka zameer, Jaane kab zinda ho aage..
Phir bhi tava shubh naame jaage.. Tava shubha ashish maange..
Aag mein jal kar cheekh raha hai, Phir bhi koi nahi bachata..
Gaahe tava jaya gaatha..
Desh ka aisa haal hai lekin, Aapas me ladh rahe neta..
Jana Gana Mangal Dayak Jaya Hai..
Bharat ko bacha le Vidhata!
Jaya He! Ya yeh marann hai..
Jana Gana Mana Rann hai..

For Whom The 'Bell' Tolls

2009-05-16T17:38:00.004+05:30

I was working on developing a career management system for my company and in that context was critically evaluating the performance appraisal system as well. One of the most debated ways to assess performance in organizations is the dreaded Bell Curve. Forced ranking assesses employee performance relative to peers rather than against predetermined goals. Managers rank employees into three categories: The top 20 percent are the people who will lead the future of the company. They're given raises, stock options, and training. The middle 70 percent are given smaller raises and encouraged to improve. The bottom 10 percent are contribute the least and may be meeting expectations but are simply "good" on a team of "greats." They're given no raises or bonuses and are either offered training, asked if they'd be happier elsewhere, or fired.

I was reading Jack Welch's Winning and came across this passage on forced rating, bell curve and differentiation (For the uninitiated, Jack Welch, retired Chief Executive Officer of General Electric (GE), is most often associated with forced ranking, since GE used this performance management tool to eliminate the bottom ten percent of performers each year.) :

Differentiation starts right from our school days with our grades and play-ground where the best players get picked first and the least athletic ones watch from the stands. Everyone knows where he/she stands. The top kids want desperately to stay there and continue to get the thrill and respect of winning. the kids in the middle work hard to get better and thus bring up the quality of play. And the kids who couldn't make the cut usually found other pursuits, other sports in which they excelled. this is true on the playground and it is true in business.

When differentiation is working, people know where they stand. Maybe some information is hard to swallow at first but soon enough, knowledge is liberating because when you know where you stand, you can control your destiny.

Differentiation brings out the positive impact of an open, honest management system built on candid performance assessments and aligned rewards. For the top performers, the very existence of a middle cadre gives them yet another reason to pull out all the stops everyday. They have to keep getting better to have a high standing. For the middle performers, the aspiration to get into the top level makes them work harder, think more creatively, share more ideas and overall, fight the good fight everyday.

Now, coming to the detractors of forced ranking, I have heard many say that it is not ethical. My view on this is - any system or process is nether ethical or unethical - it is the implementers who make it so. A lot depends on how fairly the system is developed, and how fair the people are who carry it out.

Forced Ranking may be hard on the under-performers, people who are not dependable, determined or persistent but truth be told, organizations are not charitable set-ups where they are obligated to carry these non-performers with them, on emotional grounds. And more importantly, a laissez-faire attitude where everybody gets an exceptional / very good rating makes the ranking meaningless to employees. Would that not be the case if everyone in a school stood first?

But, having said that, I definitely feel the emphasis should be on the correct way to implement the process. Clear, transparent and honest communication of process and feedback goes a long way in building credibility of the system and its processes. If the Forced Ranking system is a way to make power centers in the organization where those who fall out of favour with the boss / are not 'Yes-Bosses' are chucked out, such a system is doomed to implode. If you don’t give people what they need to perform well and expect them to succeed, if you set a measure to which people should perform and don’t give them the tools to do it, then it is an unfair process, set up for failure and politics to set in. But if the evaluations are carried out in fair ways, and if people know the grounds or expectations on which they are being evaluated, it could be a reasonable way to reward growth and ability and to cull unpromising or under performing employees.

My Choice Blogger AWard

2009-05-16T16:55:00.000+05:30

I have been awarded the My Choice Blogger award by Meera. Thanks so much. I am glad I am your choice!

Happy Mother's Day, Ma!!!

2009-05-10T12:33:00.002+05:30

On the occasion of Mother's Day, I thought it apt to share this piece of writing...

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.

I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.

That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child.That she would give up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love someone who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with their child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.

"You'll never regret it," I finally say.

Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

Bengali A - Z

2009-04-27T00:28:00.004+05:30

Something I picked up recently... The A - Z for Bengalis...

A is for Awpheesh (as in Office). This is where the average Kolkakatan goes and spends a day hard at work. And if he works for the 'Vest Bengal Gawrment' he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 4:30. It's a hard life!

B is for Bhision. For some reason many Bengalis don't have good bhision. In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the time.(too many plays to attend,shongeet programs)

C is for Chappell. Currently, this is the Bengali word for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to sleep saying, 'Na ghumaley Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabe.'(remember ' so jao nahi to Gabbar aa jayega'....thanks Sippy sahab)

D is for Debashish or any other name starting with Deb. By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debopriyo, Deboprotim, Debojyoti, etc. thrown in at times.

E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali, especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times every year. 'Ei Morechhey' is a close second to Eeesh.

F is for Feeesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right. If not, he will say 'eeesh what feeesh is theesh!'

G is for Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Motka, Bhombol, Thobla, etc. While every Bengali girls will have pet names like Tia, Tua,Tumpa , Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku et cetera.

H is for Harmonium. This the Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The Bheatles!(2 lac impersonators of the bhetols and elvis da in North kolkata only)

I is for lleesh. This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jhola. No selfrespecting Bengali is complete without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this there are two million jholas bobbling around Kolkata, and they all look exactly the same! Note that 'Jhol' as in Maachher Jhol is a close second.

K is for Kee Kaando !. It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando's agent is trying to hire Bipasha Basu).

L is for Lungi, the dress for all occasions. People in Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it not to mention the daily trip in the morning to the local bajaar. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt Everest.

M is for Minibaas. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of all James Bond stuntmen as well as Formula 1 race car drivers.

N is for Nangto. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!

O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!).

P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are Mohunbagan and East Bengal and when they play the city comes to a stop.

Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the Bengalis or Kolkata, but it's the only Q word I could think of at this moment. There's also Quilt but they never use them in Kolkata.

R is for Robi Thakur. Many many years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel Prize. This has given the right to all Bengalis no matter where they are to frame their acceptance speeches as if they were directly related to the great poet and walk with their head held high. This also gives Bengalis the birthright to look down at Delhi and Mumbai and of course 'all non-Bengawlees'! Note that 'Rawshogolla' comes a close second ! and a closer third is 'Robindro shongeet' ...every
child born first sings a verse of robindro shongeet before asking for mothers' milk)

S is for Shourav. Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer and a captain, Bengalis think that he should be allowed to play until he is 70 years old. Of course they will see to it that he stays in good form by doing a little bit of 'jawggo' and 'maanot'.

T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it's faster to walk.

U is for Aambrela. When a Bengali baby is born he is handed one.(a statement for 'upwaardly mobile bengalis') A close second is Uttam Kumar.....the Rock Hudson of Goria..haat.....

V is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people around. When an accident happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout and scream and curse and abuse, "Chherey De Bolchhi" but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.

W is for Water. For three months of the year the city is underwater and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this!

X is for X'mas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up and all Bengalis agreeing that they must eat cake that day,abandoning their roshogoollas and shondesh for a day.....

Y is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali (see R for Robi Thakur).

Z is for Jebra, Joo, Jipper and Jylophone.

Shubho Nabo Borsho

2009-04-14T02:46:00.001+05:30

Not the very apt time to write about the quintessential 'Pujo' of Bengalis but with 'Poila Boishakh' (Bengali New Year) coming up tomorrow, I have suddenly started feeling very 'Bengali'!!! This, in a world where we are so cosmopolitan! In fact, coming to think of it, tell any Mumbaikar that he lives in a Maharashtrian city or any resident of Bangalore that he lives in a Kannada one and s/he will take immediate offence. S/he will immediately launch in a tirade of how high the pot-purri of cultual mix exists, of the wide roads, the night-life, the wi-fi and the wide and diverse set of people that inhabit the cities.

But then, there are those cities that are far away from the techno-babble (and bubble); that are rooted deep in their identity as a non-cosmopolitan, traditionalist city that takes pride in being just the way it is. Kolkata (or Calcutta as I have always called it, inspite of the fact that the Bengali pronunciation is Kolkata) is one such city.

I have not lived in this city for an extended period of time. A visit for a few weeks every alternate year was just about, more than enough for me - I always found the life there very slow and laid back compared to the fast life in Mumbai. But the true way to explore a city is by staying there on your own and I was given the opportunity to do so during my post-graduate internship with ITC. The two months that I spent there alone, without my immediate or extended family, taught me a lot about the city, its hues and cultures, its people and most importantly, changed my perception about the city.

Calcutta has deep passions, cheerful chaos, utter contempt for commerce and fiery responses to the smallest provocation. And at the same time, it has the love for culture, arts, intellect; it is bare in all its emotions - it is humane and exudes warmth and comfort. It truly is the City of Joy in many ways! We define most cities by the infrastructural / financial / cosmopolitan outlook and growth but Calcutta is one place which is defined by its people.

And this is where the 'Pujo' comes in... and it so much more than just worship! Calcutta immerses in the joy of celebration, of artistic expression and the brightness of colours and music of the 'dhaks'... the 'fragrance' of fried fish, the 'shidur khela', the 'Anjali', the competition between pandaals to see which is better, the riot of colours... The 'Pujo' is simply a celebration of life, for the City of Joy.

I was told that the city would grow on me. And guess what, it did. Without knowing, it quietly stepped into my heart and won over my soul!!!

Sambar of '69

2009-04-13T02:31:00.003+05:30

Was going through some of my old treasured mails and found this one...
(To be sung to the tune of Bryan Adam's Summer of '69)

I had my first real six rupees.
Stole it from my father's pants.
Went to a madrasi hotel,
to eat the Sambar of '69.

Me and some kadke dost,
Had it all and we caught bukhaar,
Jimy puked, Joey got ulcers,
And Bagga ne maari dakar.

Oh when I went back there now,
The food was as stale as ever,
And though it was 1999,
Still the Sambar was being served over there...
That was the worst food of my life...
Back to the Sambar of '69.

There's no use in complaining,
When you got no other place to eat,
Rushed in the evening to the doctors clinic,
But he too was at the toilet seat,

Yeah standing there waiting outside,
Nurse told me I will wait forever,
Oh and when I held my breath,
I knew that I had to use that loo there
That was the worst food of my life.
Back to the Sambar of '69.

Man I was getting killed,
I was full and restless,
I needed to unwind,
I guess nothing can wait forever - FOREVER... NO!!!!

And now the dhabas are changing,
New dishes have come and gone,
Sometimes when I pass that old Madrasi lane,
I still smell it, I can't be wrong.

Standing in those unwashed clothes,
The waiters still call me in there,
Oh the way my nostrils burn,
I know that it will be served forever,
What was the worst food of my life.
Yeah it was the Sambar of '69, the Sambar, the Sambar, the Sambar of '69 .....

The GREAT Divide!

2009-03-31T02:02:00.000+05:30

Women, particularly feminists, leave no opportunity to point out what a bane, men are to society and how, with human cloning becoming successful, men can be just thrown off the face of Mother Earth! But there is a further divide... in the South of India, people feel that North Indian Men (NIM) - and not men in general - are the bane of society. They are supposed to be uncouth, uncultured and God's gift to womankind. And for the South Indian Men, (SIM), every person who has been born and brought up towards the north of the Vindhyas, is a North Indian (Yes, us Mumbaikars as well!!! :) )

Let's put things in perspective : there's no denying that in the 'women-safe' city of Mumbai, a few years ago, on New Year's night, women were molested by a mob in full public view with media around. But to counter that is the Mangalore pub assault episode, when the activists of Sri Rama Sene barged into a pub and violently beat up the girls present there in the name of preserving Indian culture.

Can we really segregate and accuse one section of the population with such 'henious' crimes while absolving the other group in the same breath, just by virtue of the states of birth / growing up / residence? But truth be told - NIM are far more crass and openly rough and vulgar than the SIM. The most perverted, double-meaning jokes, am sure, originated in the northern part of the country and although I am not judgemental about them (having laughed at them with as much gusto as my NIM & SIM friends), they can get lewd and uncomfortable for the feeble hearted. And not to forget the evergreen punch-lines - 'Kya maal / item / bomb / body hai'; 'Aa chalti hai kya'; They not only whistle, but also make obscene gestures and pass lewd comments. Whether a girl is of eighteen or a woman in her 50s, these men shower there love and affection on everyone.

This is what I read in a site which caters to Western Women visiting India - particular advice for North India while South India was rated much more laid back, friendly, and respectful :

- Learn to ignore everyone around you unless you have a specific reason to speak with someone.

- Don't meet people's eyes - especially men.

- Don't chat very much with random guys. Indian women don't do that and neither do they look at men. In fact most Indian women completely ignore the presence of men and just go about their business. (!!!)

- Maintain your distance from any man - very young to very old. At least three to four feet. That's how much space Indian women maintain between themselves and an unrelated male.

- Don't wear clothes that expose the shoulders, that are tight across the chest, don't expose legs, no strappy dresses, etc. Salwars or just pants and a long cotton top are comfortable and appropriate.

- If anyone asks you about a boyfriend or husband, say yes, you are married for years and he is in Mumbai or somewhere else and you are visiting friends in whichever town you happen to be in. Or just act completely deaf when the topic comes up. Most Indian women do not answer personal questions and keep quiet to indicate that the question was no appropriate.

- Learn a few words of the local language like help, water, toilet, etc. When in doubt about something, ask another woman or a couple.

- If you will wear salwar kameez (that "Punjabi suit" you'll see women wearing -- baggy pants, baggy shirt and a scarf which is not optional -- you'll give people the silhouette that they are used to seeing and will avoid a lot of unwanted attention from the bold and sex-starved men who will approach you.

- You should also avoid being alone on dark streets at night, and private contact with strange men. Just because they are wearing shirt and trousers instead of a longhi doesn't mean a man has the capacity for the sort of friendship you and I are used to from Western men -- so don't expect that.

- Meet cyberpals in public, in daylight if possible... always. Even at home, this is kind of like saying "don't take candy from strangers" but every once in a while we need that reminder.

- If you're lost or need to know what time it is, ask the nearest woman. Her husband will answer, but direct your conversation at HER. (WOW!!! This is enlightening!)

- If someone touches you, slap him! Scream "pervert"! Take off your shoe and threaten him with that! But that's a last resort -- better to avoid those situations when possible.

- If you are on a train and someone asks if they may please sit on your berth while you sleep -- tell him that you know he would never want anyone to ask his sister that same thing and to forget that idea.

All this being said, you will have a more difficult time in North India than in the South of India. North Indian men are more aggressive towards women - not just foreigners, other Indians too.

Perhaps a burkah would be the answer to our woes in India!!!

But guess what - although the NIMs win this hands down, guess, burkhas are not able to protect these women -

Guatemala, where an impoverished female underclass faces domestic violence, rape and torture. An epidemic of gruesome unsolved murders has left hundreds of women dead, some of their bodies left with hate messages.

Pakistan, women are gang-raped as punishment for men’s crimes.

Somalia, a vicious civil war has put women, who were the traditional mainstay of the family, under attack. In a society that has broken down, women are exposed daily to rape, dangerously poor health care for pregnancy, and attack by armed gangs.

Nepal Early marriage and childbirth exhaust the country’s malnourished women, and one in 24 will die in pregnancy or childbirth. Daughters who aren’t married off may be sold to traffickers before they reach their teens. Widows face extreme abuse and discrimination if they’re labeled bokshi, meaning witches.

Mali, where few women escape the torture of genital mutilation, many are forced into early marriages, and one in 10 dies in pregnancy or childbirth.

Afghanistan More than half of all brides are under 16, and one woman dies in childbirth every half hour. Domestic violence is so common that 87 per cent of women admit to experiencing it. But more than one million widows are on the streets, often forced into prostitution.

Daughters of Shame by Jasvinder Sanghera outlines in painful detail the horrific stories of women abused and suffering... 'I listen to those stories -- told by women who have been drugged, beaten, imprisoned, raped and terrorised within the walls of the homes they grew up in. I listen and I am humbled by their resilience', she says. It is a long drawn battle - one which is being fought in various parts of the world, behind closed doors and in open grounds, in darkness and in light, in public view and in private; it is a battle without ammunition but the wounds are equally deep, the cries deeply painful and abuse and death as real... Every defeat in this war must be deeply mourned and every victory celebrated and recounted deftly and without apology.

Rishta - Unka Hamaari Peedha Se - Part 2

2009-03-25T00:04:00.002+05:30

Following the mail exchanges, here's another contribution to the Peedha, by - well, let's just call him - The Sun...

Sab ko hai apne apne trackeron se pyaar!!

Kartey rahtey hain hum pur nirantar atyaachaar!!

Attrition, Goal setting, PMS yeh to ab hain hamaare sah parivaar

But iss chakkar mein kaise bhool gaye voh hiring trackers ka avtaar..

Jo hasaatey rulaatey bhagaatey tadpaatey..

Kabhi business to kabhi region se dilvaayey queries or formats ki bauchaar!!

Mere pyaare HR ke mitron..

Kar rahey hain hum log apnee strategic competencies build..

Employee engagement in this day and age is

Very much like a band aid while Taliban and NATO are getting killed..

Hai hamaara apna nirantar sapnaa..

Hiring ka mantra to hai raat din japnaa.

Stambhit aur bhramit ho gaye;

Krodhagni mein jala ke..

Hamarey human engagement ke basics ko hila ke..

In trackeron ne kiya hamey ek baar phir dharashayee..

Humaree saasein hain ghabrayee..

Himmat hai sharmaayee..

Data compiling ability hai hadbadai..

Ab aap hi bole.. hum karein ki na karien compile!!

Yeh sab kartey, jeetey martey na kiya kuch bhi itnaa enjoy..

Jitna Ms. B & Ms. Dewdrop ke poems ka dhamaaka.

Thakengey, rukengey ladengey marenge chahey jo tracker maango voh bharengey..

Bus in return kabhi kabhi yeh poems denaa bhej..

Taaki hum bhi ruk ruk kar dukh dukh kar hotey rahein encourage!!

Kyon bhai... theek hain na for our vintage??

Tag 4 - 100 things

2009-03-22T00:31:00.000+05:30

March seems to be the Tag-Month for me...

Here goes another one...

LAST TIMES…
1. Last beverage: Mountain Dew

2. Last phone call: My Mom

3. Last text message: Some SMS from Airtel on Hello Tunes!

4. Last song you listened to: Yeh Dilli Hai Mere Yaar (Delhi 6)

5. Last time you cried: Today - shed exactly one tear... :)

HAVE YOU EVER...

6. Dated someone twice: Yes

7. Been cheated on? : Yes
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? Err...hmm...mmm?? ahem.... NO...hehe..

9. Lost someone special? Yes

10. Been depressed? Yes

11. Been drunk and threw up? No (and am right down proud of it ;) )

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:

12. White

13. Red
14. Black
15. Blue

FIRSTS :

16. Made new friends: Yes

17. Fallen out of love: Yes

18. Laughed until you cried: Tonnes of times!!!

19. Met someone who changed you: Yes

20. Found out who your true friends were: Yes

21. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes

HAVE YOU:
22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Yes :)

23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Everyone
24. How many kids do you want to have: Two

25. Do you have any pets: No but I would absolutely love a Labrador

26. Do you want to change your name: No

27. What did you do for your last birthday: Had the most awesome dinner @ The Taj, followed by a midnight cake-cutting session and a surprise gift...

28.What time did you wake up today: 2pm - yes, you read it right... 2 in the afternoon!!! :)

29. What were you doing at midnight last night: blogging

30. Name something you CANNOT wait for : People to call / meet friends
31. Last time you saw your father: 1 month and 2 days ago...

32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Nothing much really...
33. Most visited web page: My blog :) / Facebook / GMail

WHAT'S YOUR :

34. Name: Ummm... Dewdrop :)

35. Nicknames: Ummm... let's just say, Mischief / Sunshine

36. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius

37. Male or female or transgender : Female

38. Elementary: Some convent school in Mumbai

39. Colleges: Yes... have attended & cleared

40. Hair color: Currently brown with highlights

41. Long or short: Shoulder-length

42. Height: Am taller than the height of the average Indian Woman

43. Do you have a crush on someone? Yes...

44. Ever been in love? Yes...

45. Piercings? Pierced ears

46. Tattoos? No

47. Righty or lefty: Righty

48. First surgery: None

49. First piercing: At the age of 3 I guess

50. First best friend: Hrishikesh

51. First sport you loved: and still love - swimming

52. First pet : Never had one :(... but made pets of a lot of doggies

53. First vacation: As far as I can remember, Kolkata / Delhi

54. First concert: SPICMACY - tabla by Zakir Hussein

55. First crush: Hmmm... aah... well... ho - hum... well, let's just call him - my sweetheart!

RIGHT NOW:

56. Eating: Nothing

57. Drinking: Paani

58. I'm about to: Play 'Lost Cities' with hubby...

59. Listening to: Masakaali (Delhi 6)

60. Waiting for: Trip to Andaman's for my diver course

YOUR FUTURE
61. Want kids? Yes, absolutely

62. Want to get married? Am married... and happy! :)

63. Careers in mind? currently HR professional, later a trainer / professor / consultant / psychiatrist

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

64. Lips or eyes: Eyes

65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs (and will not mind if it leads to kisses ;) )

66. Shorter or taller: Taller

67. Older or Younger: Older

68. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantically spontaneous!

69. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice Arms

70. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
71. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

72. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :

73. Kissed a stranger: Nope

74. Lost glasses/contacts: Don't use either

76. Broken some one's heart: Yes :(

77. Had your own heart broken: Yes :( :(

78. Been arrested: Nope

79. Turned someone down: Yes

80. Cried when someone died: Yes

81. Liked a friend that is a girl? I LOVE all my girlfriends...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: Yes... Completely and unshakably

82. Miracles: Yes, they are what keeps life interesting

83. God: Yes

84. Love at first sight: Yes :) completely...

85. Heaven: Well, am not sure about Heaven - Hell funda - don't think about it much

86. Santa Claus: Yes... Ho Ho Ho!

87. Kiss on the first date? Let's see...hmmm... :) Yes

88. Angels: Yes... they are around me always in the form of my family - n - friends!

89. Devils: Yes... :) every thing has an ante as well

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

90. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes.Yess.Yesss.

91. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? No

92. Wanted to kill someone ever? Yes. (Well, never mind who!!!)

93. Among you blog mates, whom would you like to kiss? Nope!

94. Committed a blunder and regretted later? Yes... Number of times!

95. Wanted to steal you friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? : Nope, was always happy with my choice!

ASSOCIATE WITH SOMETHING YOU WEAR :

96. White: Churdidaar

97. Black: Jeans

98. Red: Bling bangles

99. Pink: Chiffon Saree

100. Posting this as 100 Truths? Yes. :)

This tag is open for anyone to take up!!!

Rishta - Unka Hamaari Peedha Se

2009-03-21T00:36:00.007+05:30

Warning : This post is going to be in Hindi (and I'll translate it for the benefit of all).

The Background : In my company, there are multiple trackers that we use extensively, to track progress on deadlines, update of recruitment numbers etcetera. Off late, my colleague and self have been creating a number of trackers for certain projects that we have rolled-out, much to the peedha (pain) of my counterparts in HR. The West Team decided (in all humour) to put their peedha in words today...

Reproduced below is the poem they sent to us (South Team) :

Jab se Dewdrop ka Induction (in HR) hua hai,

Pre-inductees ka FORCED business interaction shuru hua hai.

(From the time DewDrop has joined HR, new recruits have been forced to have interactions with Businesses)

Pehle jab kabhi hote the Open house;

Aur Business se HR milta tha jaise someone meeting an ex-spouse,

(Previously, during Open Houses, HR used to meet Business akin to meeting an ex-spouse)

Par ab aalam aisa hai –

Ki HR aur Business ka milna – arranged match se peedith, maa-baap se forced;

Kisi ladki/ladke kii potential se lagaatar meeting jaisa hai.

(But now, the situation is such that HR meets business akin to those girls / guys who are pained by arranged marriages and are forced by parents to meet their potential life-partners)

Jaise shaadiyon ka season saal bhar aata jaata hai,

Thanks to apni Dewdrop, – waise hi panchang jaise ab interaction calendar with THICK PPTs aata hai.

(Marriage season comes throughout the year; similarly, Dewdrop sends us interaction calendars and thick PPTs)

Har baar hum wonder karte hain,

Par naa chaahate hue bhi interaction tracker dekar surrender karte hain.

Par ek khayaal phir bhi dil mein har baar aata hai,

Itni globe maarne ki kshamata aur ppt banaane ka patience bhagwaan Dewdrop ko kahan se deta hai.

(We wonder each time but even though we don't want it, we fill trackers and send them across; however we wonder where does Dewdrop get the potential to give such global gnyaan and patience to make PPTs)

PAR BHAIYON AUR BEHENON-

Yahiin nahin hota khatam yeh kissa,

Aaisi aadatein acquired aur communicable hoti hain-apni South HR Team proof hai iska.

Dewdrop agar performance management ki hai Devi,

toh not far lagging behind is D – our V ‘MAHA’sveta devi.

Kyunki Dewdrop ka atyaachaar toh spurts mein – saal mein ruk ruk kar aata hai,

D ka V toh poora saal hi hamein marwaata hai ( yeh dekho aayi ek aur mail).

(It doesn't end here. If Dewdrop is the Goddess of Performance Management then D is the MahaDevi of V - an HR engagement initiative; Dewdrop's torture comes in spurts but D's V is there to haunt us throughout the year (Look, here comes another mail from D!!!)

Abhi kahan chal diye’ – rukiye rukiye’

Who kaise bhool sakte hain hum,

Who wahi atyaachar joh hum par karte’ hai (now not available) SHBniam.

(Wait guys, where are you'll off to... How can we forget the person who used to torture us so much - SHB)

De dana dan mails aur database cleanup aur ab joining process/ exit process/ confirmation process…wagerah wagerah cleanup mein pehle phansaata hai,

Aur us paar who hans hans kar zor zor se ….aisa lagta hai hamara mazaak hii udaata hai ( karo karo abhi aur bhi hai…types)

Bhai soch soch kar ghabraate hain hum,

Kahaan se laate hain yeh sitam karna ka itna dum.

Hum peediton ka toh kya hai – jaise kaise karte hain,

Par yeh South team ke praani ek cheez toh definitely deserve kartehain…….

(We wonder where do they get such powers to torture us so... we poor souls have no way out except to give in and do the job but the South Team definitely deserve one thing - The Oscars!)

JAI HO!!

To this, I responded thus (On the music of Rock On's Meri Laundry Ka Ek Bill...) :

Humare Trackers Ke Lists,

Badle mein humein milte hain Fists

Bosses Ke Data Numbers,

Jo ban jaate hain Trackers

Pichhle mahinon mein humne aaplogon ko sataye

Kabhi Khud Pe Hanse Aap

Aur Kabhi Khud Pe Roye…

(Our list of trackers only invite the angst from other teams... Our bosses' quantitative targets get converted into trackers... In the last few months, we have pained you'll a lot...At times you'll must have laughed on yourselves, and at times cried)

Kaise Bhulein Aaj ka Din Jo Aaya

Kisi Ne West Team ka dimaag Khulwayaa

Kaisa Pal Tha Jis Pal Unhonein taareefon bhara mail humein paadvaya…

(How can we forget today when the West team sent across their mail full of praise for us)

Humari itni si intejaa hai aapse…

Humari bhi pareshaniyan samaja kijiye…

Hum bhi trackers ke bhoj se dooooooob rahen hain…

(Our only request to all is to understand that we too fill the trackers we create and are drowning in them as well)

Ye toh trailer hain doston…

Aap logon ke Hosh Bhi Kho jayenge…

Dil Bhi Kho jayenge

Kabhi Khud Pe Hansenge Aap,

Aur Kabhi Khud Pe Royenge

(This is just the trailer, my friends... )

Trackers ki bauchaar abhi baaki hain mere yaaron… (On the lines of SRK's dialogue in OSO - Picture abhi baaki hain mere doston)!!!

(It will rain trackers soon, my friends!!! )

Honest Scrap Award

2009-03-20T00:40:00.000+05:30

I've just been awarded the Honest Scrap Award by Amal. And just like him, I'm very excited about my first e-award online! Thanks Amal!

I need to fulfill some requirements before I can pass this along to another fellow blogger. To quote from Amal’s blog, here are the requirements:

'This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog’s content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.

When accepting this auspicious award, you must write a post bragging about it, including the name of the misguided soul who thinks you deserve such acclaim, and link back to the said person so everyone knows she/he is real. Choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven friends. Show the seven random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog. Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on!'...

I have, in Tag Two, jotted down 25 things about myself... and believe you me, they are all honest!!! :)

But to honour this award, let me write down 10 more honest things about me (and since the rule involves bragging, I'll quote some of the things my friends have written about me at various occasions) :

1. She is one of a kind who makes you wonder if anything at all can be wrong with the world! Nothing can ever stop this ever-so-optimistic and order-freak once she sets her mind on something!

2. Always smiling and always on the go, she is an epitome of sincerity and being on time.

3. She is one hell of a conversationalist who also loves dishing out sound advice.

4. What I like most about her is, the unique ability to view things in an unbiased way,being blatantly frank and yet her very own caring self...

5. Lots of laughs n a naughty smile that keeps u guessing what’s on her mind, n possibly the only one I have ever known to live life by her very own terms!!! If life could be called a roller coaster ride, having her along sure makes the ride worthwhile!!!.

6. The first thing that you'll notice about her is her smile! She comes into the room and flashes that close-up smile of hers and everyone's got to notice her at once (you attention seeker you!!!!). Shez so chirpy she lights up the room with her smile that reaches her eyes...

7. When she's excited, I really start to wonder where she gets all that energy from. She'll simply go on and on and on...really luv her for that!!! She's tough on the outside but inside she's a real softy...

8. She's someone everyone can relate to...and even if you've just met her, you feel like you know her for ages. A person with whom you can share absolutely everything, she's one of the bestest fundooest most TP person I know... a true blue bong who cant sing rabindra sangeet as good as sidey govinda nos....

9. She appeared in Page 3 of Telegraph once!!!

10. Frank, straightforward, matter of fact, simple, having a zest for life, perennially happy... GOOD PERSON!!

There, I've done it... completely, whole-heartedly (and shamelessly!!! ;) ) bragged about myself...

Now, to keep the award going, I would like to pass it on to the following :

Sayesha : I love the way she articulates her thoughts - very simply and genuinely... love her blog!

Neha : She's a wonderful person and I love her free spirit...

Greatbong : Love his blogposts - the sarcasm, the wit, the humour... downright honest!

Mehreen : I find her blogposts straight from the heart...

Meera : Cute Blog

Akanksha : Completely floored by some of her 55-fictions!

Pri : I like the way she thinks!

The G-Spot!

2009-03-17T02:02:00.002+05:30

So, I finally hit the G-spot today! Hmmm, before you imaginative minds jump with joy on thinking about the contents of this post, let me make it clear - I am talking about Gossip!

Now, why am I in this gossipy mood today? Actually, am not! Something happened in office today morning (won't put in the gory details), and there I was pouring my bleeding, tortured heart out to a colleague. And surely, it was not one of those 'Did-you-see-her-bling-where-does-she-get-her-accessories-from' gossip. It was the complete reverse - griping, gloomy, grouchy, grumbling gossip.

And as I was in the process of talking, I suddenly went detached from my being and started noticing what I was doing, very neutrally (doesn't happen very often with me - I guess I was tortured way too much today for my brain to do this!).

Firstly, I noticed, I was gossiping - I mean I was doing exactly what the Webster's dictionary defines gossiping as - a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others / rumor or report of an intimate nature / a chatty talk.

Next, what I was saying was not one of those harmless, light conversations but had a complaint underneath. And (I am smiling indulgently as I write this!), in my complaint, I was the innocent, good little girl caught up between fire-breathing monsters (read... ahem... well, you know how it is in offices!!!) and I was drowning in self-pity.

Although this reality hit me, I just could not stop my tirade. So I kept that going (since I started realizing, and I know women will agree with me, that I was feeling increasingly better and in control of my life, as I was sharing my problems with my girl-gang).

And it also dawned on me that gossip on genuine issues are mostly done to people who can't do anything about it, to right the situation. So I thought - what if I actually address the situation as opposed to just chattering on to somebody else. With such valiant thoughts in mind, I took the ahem... bull ... by its horns... and the rest is, well... food for more gossip but now, the heroic, 'I-never-knew-I-had-it-in-me--Way-to-go' gossip.

On a more serious note, can gossip be a form of expression and give peace of mind rather than spread grouse and negativity? When I look around, I guess very less of it is actually harmful, mean, putting-someone-else-down kind of gossip. Most of it is harmless, chit-chat-over coffee, a little grapevine over phone - more of people just talking to each other about each other - some masala on who is going steady with whom, what's going on, who's doing what...

And as far as the coffee-toffee debate on whether men gossip more than women, I think us women admit more easily to gossiping as compared to our male counterparts. And while they look down upon us women for forever gossiping about trivial things like clothes, accessories and boy-friends, they just try to take the higher ground in declaring that they are judicious in their words, talk less and gossip ever lesser. I beg to differ very strongly on this. My hubby is extremely curious to know exactly what's going on in my office; he'd know the names of all my peers and superiors, their spouses' names, where they work, who fought with whom, what is the latest scandal on, what did he tell her and then what did she tell her boss and then what did the boss do... its endless. And this is the same with all my guy-friends (and I have a HUGE gang of them).

... So, is there a man, man enough, to admit that he gossips... :)

Life - In 4 Photographs!

2009-03-14T17:40:00.000+05:30

Read this recently - HAD to share it...

First Pic :

Break of Dawn - New lease of life, embarking upon a New Voyage...
A Child Flying Kite - Young Blood, Aspiring to Fly High with Enormous Zest and Zeal... The sky is the limit...
A Small Tree - Need to Nurture...
Two Birds Hovering Above - There are the people around you to take care of you, nurture, nourish and protect you.

Second Pic

Daylight - You are almost half-way through the journey of Life
Couple - You have a better half with you to lean on and speak your heart out to.
Grown-up Tree - You have been nurtured to be able to stand tall and rigidly to face the storms which otherwise would have let you down.
Small Tree - You have brought a new life into the world
One bird hovering above - There are comparatively less people around you to take care of you, unlike the wonder years of your childhood.

Third Pic :

Fall of Dusk - Twilight is setting upon... Life has come a full circle.
An Old Man & Aging Tree - It is a race against time now... the beginning of the end of the journey...
Grown Tree - Your kids have grown up... it is time to set them free and support them with love and care rather than clashes.
One Bird - Self explanatory, I guess...
Grave - In the course of the journey, you have lost loved ones and you too start anticipating your ultimate fate and destiny...

Fourth Pic :

Nightfall - Journey has come to an end... Darkness is looming and it is time to bid aideu...
Starry Sky - There is still happiness around... thanks to the good work put in by you and your memories...
Grown-up Tree - Your children are walking in your shoes now; living their lives and drawing inspiration from your life...
Grave With Two Crosses - You are united with your soulmate... you now Rest In Peace...

Immortality

2009-03-13T18:40:00.000+05:30

...
Immortality
I make my journey through eternity
I keep the memory of you and me inside

Fulfill your destiny,
Is there within the child,
My storm will never end,
My fate is on the wind,
The king of hearts, the joker's wild,
We don't say goodbye,
We don't say goodbye,
I'll make them all remember me

This is one of my favourite Celine Dion songs - Immortality.

Some things are immortal… Blogs, for example, keep you alive, long after you have gone... so do books you have authored, music you have written, movies you have made... lives you have touched.

It is such a beautiful way to stay connected with people, isn't it? After all, there is nothing so binding as shared experiences. Whether it is through our work or our craft, we touch so many lives and the moments just live on, long after you are gone. Today, when I read the books of authors long gone, I can still imagine the era they tried to capture in their writings, the magic they tried to weave in their words... when I listen to music, I picture in what moment of inspiration would such beautiful lyrics and tunes have got composed... when I read blogs, I can relive my life moments through the eyes and words of others - people who I've never met and yet share so much similarity with.

I think that is what we all are primarily here to do - spread smiles and cheer and become evergreen in the lives and hearts of as many people as we possibly can.

Ye Naam Mein Kya Rakha Hai...

2009-03-11T10:05:00.000+05:30

Let's be clear about one thing from the very beginning - I love my name. It's unique - I work in a company which employees over 3 lakh employees and there are no employees with whom I share my complete name.

And then I got married - but happily, I didn't go through a name change. Although I think it is a matter of personal choice whether one should change one's name or not, here are my two bits and four pennies worth reasons why I think one should not be compelled to :

1. I love my name and I guess so do most women. It is a part of our identity and who we are. Does the identity of the bride remain in only her hubby's surname?

2. Why should the bride adopt her hubby's last name? or middle name? or any name other than what she has lived with for the last few years? Understand that she is married to you, but so are you to her. So why should only she make the transition?

3. There are so many times when I have gone through my facebook / orkut friend list and found that all of a sudden, the first name sounds familiar but the last name doesn't and if there are no snaps in the profile, I have to start making educated guesses about whether she is THE ONE I used to know in school / college!

4. I believe changing bank signatures, passports, driving licenses and other paraparnalia is a big pain, just because your in-laws / hubby want to address you by their name!

5. We get married today, more often than not, once we have already laid the foundation of our lives, have a career and earned financial independance and self-esteem. Is this the only way we need to prove our love / respect to our in-laws / hubbies?

... and finally, my name is my business. I am the only one who has the right to decide what it should be. It is simply a matter of personal choice. I may be someone who loves my maiden name or someone who would happily take up my hubby's surname because I love it / think it is MY way of showing love and respect for the family / I like to follow traditions... But, in a civilized society, I should not have to justify my choices to anyone. I should not have to explain why I retained my maiden name or changed it. That’s my business.

Tag Two...

2009-03-10T00:37:00.008+05:30

Tagged by Amrita...

Here go the rules -

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.

1. As a kid, I loved Enid Blytons - Famous Fives, The Enchanted Woods, St. Clare's and Secret Sevens... I had a huge collection of them and would never tire of reading the books repeatedly.

2. I love my dad - I inherited his love of being organized, systematic, - I learnt from him the art of prioritization, importance of time and his contagious laughter.

3. I love my mom - I learnt patience (whatever little of it I have), her sense of balance in life, the ability to multi-task and her sense of humour.

4. I love my bro - his is one guy I can hell discuss anything with... one of the most thanda guys around, he's been there with me every step... from the fights, masti, leg-pulling to serious discussions and decisions... I’d have never enjoyed the way I did without him...at every stage of my life...

5. I love my hubby - he's my partner in crime... my bestest friend... my biggest strength and my greatest weakness...I have learnt to be bubbly and cheerful, sensitive and understanding from him - I've found myself in him...

6. Music is an important part of my life.It can be anything - from rock to pop to bollywood numbers - but i must listen to music atleast for an hour each day.

7. In any situation, I try and figure out a million things which can go wrong and how I can handle them but what finally happens is invariably something I haven't thought about... Life is indeed beautiful!

8. I like a plan. I like direction. I like control.

9. I love long drives, milk chocolates, whites and blacks, babies, Calvin and Hobbes, Big B and Small B, winter mornings, rains, mists, sea breezes, hot coffees, sweet corn chicken soups, long chats with closest buddies!

10. I’d love to be a pilot - I love the feeling of defying gravity.

11. I love the war of words.

12. I love wit, humour and confidence to convince or confuse!

13. I believe that if I want something from the bottom of my heart, destiny will take care of the rest.

14. I believe the three things we crave most in life - happiness, freedom and peace of mind - are always attained by giving them to someone else.

15. I’m scared of loneliness.

16. I day-dream all the time.

17. I’m a self-confessed narcissist at times.

18. I want to live on the 14^th floor of a sea-facing apartment so that I can feel the breeze in my hair at all times!

19. When I am not working, I am either reading science fiction or listening to music or playing scrabble or sleeping! (Not necessarily in that order!).

20. I try to give the other person the benefit of doubt most of the time. .

21. I am brutally honest about anything and try to be fanatically proud of whatever I do!

22. The main purpose of my life is to be happy and i'll do essentially whatever it takes, within the limits of my personal beliefs, to be happy.

23. I am a free spirit, always and forever.

24. I laugh openly... cry whenever I feel like and dance at every party or get-together.

25. I can’t wait for this stupid economic downturn to end - I hate the fact that I have to associate my work to my pay and hence park my other priorities, while the rest of the world figures its way out!

I tag - Neha, Rohit, Aqua-Girl, Sunshine, RK, Mohita, Akanksha, Ki, Anish, Rahul, Sawan, Indyeah, Phoenix, Mehreen, Purnima, S@M, Lena, Meera, Harshita, Kathryn, I am what I am, Dolphin, Samik, Akshat, NSI, DewMoonDrop, Me, Alok, and Scattered Thoughts and anyone else who wants to take it up!!!

Wordle!!!

2009-02-16T00:09:00.000+05:30

Just read up on a really cool application here - one of my favourite creative writing blogs.

This is what I created from my blog post - 31 Reasons Why I Love You

You can make yours too! Check this link out - WORDLE!

My First Tag...

2009-02-14T23:07:00.005+05:30

Purnima tagged me to pick the sixth picture from the sixth folder from my PC, display it here and write a short story behind that pic. So here goes :

This is the pic I clicked on 27th Oct'08 - my first Diwali after marriage... and interestingly, the lack of a story is the interesting part...

We (hubby and me) stay away from both sets of families and for both of us, Diwali is not a major festival (which means in competition to Valentines' Days, Anniversaries, Birthdays, Onam and Durga Pooja, it fails to hold our attention!). But since this was our first Diwali after marriage, I wanted to do something special...

In the meantime, we had our trip to Hogenakkal Waterfalls (I'll blog on that in detail soon) with our friends Neil, Roschelle and one year old daughter Kiara the day before. We had started in the wee hours of the morning the previous day and when we got home, it was in the wee hours of Diwali morning. We were ready to hit the sack. They stayed over with us and we slept like a log till late morning. Then started the ordering of food for brunch, playing around with Kiara whom I simply adore and general chilling out. Once brunch was over, by around 4-5 pm, everyone decided to crash again since the previous day's tiredness was still with us.

I realised that neither of our friends nor my hubby dearest would get up anytime soon to usher in the lights and sounds of Diwali. So I put an alarm for 6:30pm-ish, got up from a very deep sleep and then lighted these diyas as well as did a small pooja. Once I had photographed and was satisfied that I had done what I wanted to, for the festival, back I jumped to bed only to wake up when tummy started rumbling, reminding me and the others that the time for pet-pooja was long overdue. So, in the middle of the night, amid crackers and sparklers, both the brave men rode over to the nearest 24-hour coffee shop to pick up sandwiches...

So, that's how my Diwali was... a bit of lights, a dash of diyas and lots of snores!!!

Those who want to pick this tag from here, please do so. As for Purnima, thanks to you, I captured this memory and gave words to it, making a very non-descript Diwali, the topic of my blog!!!

The Cutting Edge

2009-02-09T22:37:00.004+05:30

There must be something in traditional women's chores that lures men to take them up professionally. Or else, how can you explain the exemplary success that Pandit Birju Maharaj, Shiamak Davar and Sanjeev Kapoor have achieved in professions like dance and cookery, which, as any match-maker will tell you, are a 'traditional woman's' claim to fame. Is it the thrill, fascination or a fat pay packet that is the calling card, I wonder! Seems like the battle of the sexes may finally be coming to an end with both men and women, willing to take on each other's roles. About time too, especially in the lives and times of the career-oriented Indian youth.

It could be because of interest. Men make better chefs because it's a man's job - maybe preparing bulk meals, handling the tandoor, are all very formidable tasks. It is not easy for women to put in such hard manual labour and late working hours. But I think since men are not under pressure to learn cooking as a daily task, it becomes almost a creative option for them. But in this age of DINK (Double Income No Kids) couples, men are increasingly making their presence felt in the kitchens too. In addition, the hi-tech kitchen appliances available at every nook and corner are only popularising the phenomenon. With ready-to-eat food items and easy-to-use appliances, cooking is hardly a difficult job anymore.

Men love kitchen gadgets which do half the work, like a good food processor. Fair enough. So do I. Most women don't. For some strange reason, women of a certain age love to toil and slave with blunt knives and old vessels to prove how hard they have been working. In some cases I agree. By the time you get the tomato slicer out, wash and clean it, you might as well have cut the thing with a knife. But today's cool men need their basic tools, in working order. Cool men also love a nice looking kitchen, not one that looks straight out of a Victorian novel (what the English used to call a `scullery') of a Siberian labour camp. They love quick recipes, easy shopping and like to see a smart table with smart accessories.

Enter a five-star kitchen and you find it bustling with men. Surf the channels for cookery shows and you find more of them, either hosting it, or handling the ladle themselves or simply adding a dash of their very male appeal. While cooking might be considered a woman's domain when it comes to cooking on the tele, all one finds is men. Celebrated chefs like Sanjeev Kapoor and Rakesh Sethi have wooed viewers with their stylish cooking skills. A potful of good-looking models and actors have hosted or co-hosted cookery shows. Hunks like Upen Patel, Sudhanshu Pandey and actor Aly Khan have all tried their hand at it. As it is women who watch these cookery shows it is obvious they would like to watch a good-looking guy. Besides, what's new about a woman working in the kitchen? It's kind of sweet to see a man chopping vegetables and handling the pans. And as far as professionalism is concerned men cook for money and women cook for love!

Bhalentine Day - Bengali Way

2009-02-03T02:48:00.003+05:30

With Valentine Day just round the corner, could not resist putting this up... Had read it a few years ago...

In Bengali,

Tumi (pronounced too-mi ) means You and Ami (pronounced aami means I)

Tumi samudra ami aranya, tumi Amit ami Labonya;
(You are the sea and I am the forest; You are infinite and I am beauty)

Tumi bhugal ami itihaash, tumi Paro ami Debdash;
(You are Geography and I am History; You are Paro and I am Devdas)

Tumi Closeup ami Colgate, tumi Romeo ami Juliette;

Tumi Makaibari ami Wah Taj, tumi Shajahan ami Mumtaz;

Tumi Thuja ami Arnica, tumi Clinton ami Monica;

Tumi chiruni ami ayna, tumi Dodi ami Diana;
(You are the comb and I am the mirror)

Tumi bulbul ami tota, tumi Jyoti ami Mamata;

Tumi dherosh ami alu, tumi Rabri ami Lallu;
(You are the lady's finger and I am the potato)

Tumi ucche ami potol, tumi Soniya ami Atal;
(You are a type of bitter gourd and I am parwal (a type of veggie)

Tumi chips ami popcorn, tumi Phulan (Devi) ami Birappan (Veerappan);

Tumi jilipi ami chumchum, tumi Suchitra ami Uttam;
(You are jalebi and I am chamcham)

Tumi hajmi ami toffee, tumi Boris ami Steffi;

Tumi khyal ami gazal, tumi Shahrukh ami Kajol;

Tumi CBI ami greftaar, tumi Sangeeta ami Azar;

Tumi Santro ami Ciello, tumi Desdemona ami Othello;

Tumi mach ami mangsho, tumi srishti ami dhangsho;
(You are fish and I am mutton; You are creation and I am destruction)

Tumi Ajit ami Mona, tumi Sourav ami Donna;

Tumi elish ami parshe, tumi Pheluda ami Topse;
(elish and parshe are types of fish)

Tumi dhakna ami shishi, tumi Katthak ami Orissi;
(You are the cork and I am the bottle)

Tumi Sholay ami Bazigar, tumi Minar ami Chabighar;

Tumi boma ami grenade, tumi Mahakaran ami Brigade;
(You are the bomb and I am the grenade)

Tumi Only Vimal ami DCM, tumi Congress ami CPM;

Tumi Raju ami Gopal, tumi Bharat ami Nepal;

Tumi galpa ami kobita, tumi Aishwariya ami Susmita;
(You are story and I am poetry)

Tumi OK ami fine, tumi aniyam ami ayeen;
(You are OK and I am fine; You are illegal and I am law)

Tumi bangla ami hindi, tumi tip ami bindi;
(Tip and Bindi mean the same thing)

Tumi uttejona ami kolahol, tumi cricket ami football;
(You are excitement and I am chaos)

Tumi jhamela ami gandagol, tumi Pk ami Amol;
(You are nuisance and I am disturbance)

Tumi gur ami chini, tumi hulo ami mini;
(You are jaggery and I am sugar)

Tumi gaja ami khaja, tumi Rani ami Raja;

Tumi botua ami pouch, tumi oof ami ouch;

Tumi babbah ami mago, tumi hyago ami ogo;

Tumi superb ami glory, tumi lekho ami pori.
(You are superb and I am glory; You keep writing and I will keep reading)

Kabhi Khud Pe Hansa Main... Aur Kabhi Khud Pe Roya

2009-01-26T02:57:00.010+05:30

Notice the number of times your parents / grand-parents have told you that the Television is an 'idiot box'. I've always wondered whether it is correct to brand something so universally when it can be a source of entertainment and knowledge. But I realized how much wisdom our ancestors held when they uttered these two words, when I switched on IndiaTV and saw the following report :

Oh why not? Aliens have travelled billions of light years to drink delicious cow's milk on their long journey back!

And who can forget 'The Great Khali' - his loss became the breaking news in this (in)famous news channel. Incidently, a train got derailed that day, taking its toll of human lives and public property, and (not) surprisingly, IndiaTV chose the loss of great Khali to be their "breaking news"!

There are Bush Bloopers and then there is IndiaTV. One is harmless and humorous; the other spreads panic and fear psychosis. It thrives on the darker sides of people - fear, superstition, magic and supernatural. Being a Hindi news channel, the reach is wider as compared to other news channels. And when a "TV Channel" provides such information, people tend to believe. With a number of channels vying for TRP, there is cut-throat competition and a lot of them have gone the tabloid way. Their coverage and reportage of various news events tends to be often sensational and irresponsible.

In fact, a glance at their career section gives the following : INDIA TV, fastest growing news channel is looking for people who believe in justice and the power of truth. Who believe that every single evil existing in our society must be exposed and every single truth revealed. People who believe that there are many more battles to be fought, within our own society. Join India TV in its mission.

Bah!!! And they believe that they are 'exposing' aliens and revealing truths about ghosts on trees, tormented souls in wells and possessed witches in villages.

And if IndiaTV takes the cake for toxic reporting, Star News (Hindi) takes the cake for frivolous reporting. Dig this...

This type of journalism is called Yellow Journalism - journalism that exploits, distorts, or exaggerates the news to create sensations and attract readers.

In fact if these (and other) Hindi news channels are to be crucified, the English ones need not be crowned either.

Remember AbhiAsh wedding... every single news channel made this a HUGE affair - the BIG FAT INDIAN WEDDING, if I may call it... I'm sure it is imperitive that every citizen knows what breed of horse did Abhi ride, what was the colour of Ash's mehendi, what kind of clothes they were wearing...

And of course, the Mumbai - Taj terror attacks. Every angle, every nook and cranny was covered by media persons - perching precariously on the roof-tops of adjacent buildings, reporting 'Live' the entry of our armed forces, the exact position of the army helicopters, the number of commandoes, the number of trapped victims rescued, which exits were unmanned, which vehicles were being used to take people to safety - the horror of it all was magnified manifold. Is it too far-fetched to think that the terrorists will use the media - television, internet - to glean information on the activities of the armed forces? Insensitive questioning by the likes of Barkha Dutt to the relatives and friends of trapped victims has come under intense criticism from all sections of society.

Our news media has become derelict in its obligation to the society to serve as a platform to voice citizen concerns and shape public opinion, and has lost its moral authority as a watchdog of the administration and establishment.

So what is the way out? The ideal solution would be regulation and censorship by the government / responsible body but this puts a serious curb on freedom of expression and could lead to interferences which are undesirable. The best way out then is self-regulation and self-censorship - a need for a complete restraint in the mindless chase of sensationalism and importance and focus on good journalism. It is, after all, one of the last and most influential and far-raching bastions of our democracy.

Yaaron dosti badi hi haseen hai...

2009-01-26T02:24:00.005+05:30

With the extended weekend and hubby down with cold (yeah, he can catch a cold in the hottest of weathers), I took up the daunting task of cleaning the bookshelves. We both are ardent readers and consume atleast two books a week each, in addition to the magazines, newspapers, e-papers and blogs. But I digress... So, as I was cleaning, I came across a bunch of albums - my school days' photographs. All thoughts of cleaning flew from my mind as I opened them to relive and cherish the priceless childhood memories...

I loved to play 'House-House' with my elaborate kitchen-set. Even while my bro was very young, I used to make him the Man of the house, give him an empty brief-case and send him to office while I took the skins of peeled veggies from my mom and would cook meals, hang clothes to dry on ropes tied between windows.

I had (and still have) this childhood friend of mine (let's call him H). Now, H was in my school and while returning home, we would hand our school-bags to our mothers and run off ahead, climb the staircases of other buildings and hide till we would see our mothers pass from below. Then we would race ahead and surprise our mums by hugging them.

We played in mud but didn’t catch any germs; played in the pool but didn't catch a cold... It used to be a regular feature for both H and me to try and beat each other in swimming.

H used to have these birthday parties with the most awesome 'Aam-Raas' (Mango pulp / juice) I'd ever eaten. His birthday would also have the most craziest of punishments for 'Passing - the - Parcel' - climb a tree, drink 10 glasses of water, jump over the gate etc.

In school, the last period of the day used to feel like the longest. We used to eagerly wait for bell to ring & to run off to the play-ground / auditorium to play. PT (Physical Training) periods used to become TP (Time-Pass) for all of us.

We used to write in the best of our hand writing only to get a star in the class work copy.

I used to play a lot of DOS games. PC-MAN, BRICKS were my favourites.

I have played dozens of pranks. We were a group called Chunky-Monkey' group - a gang of sorts and we used to have immense fun.

It was a matter of pride to become the monitor of the class. And I was the undisputed monitor from Standards three to ten since I was one of the most talkative student around.

We used to be the happiest when teacher wrote those four words in our diaries -Tomorrow is a holiday. It was the best purpose of the school diary.

There are lots of memories where these came from... Vibrant, energetic, innocent and pure fun - school days were some of the best days of my life.

24 Carat Necklace...

2009-01-21T22:08:00.005+05:30

Do you remember Slam Books - the ones which have these standard questions (What is your favourite colour / movie / food...) which we used to pass to friends in school / college to capture details and memories of our life - n - times. I was going through the book and came to the place where, in the last page, I had filled it out for myself. And the answer to the question - What is the craziest thing you have ever done? - brought a broad smile to my face, as I remembered the incident...

It was my friend's birthday and we were this big gang of guys - n - gals who decided to gift her something she would remember for a long time... in short we decided to play a prank on her and I was the master-mind!

She was very fond of jewelry and had a large collection of chunk as well as junk pieces which she would team up with her outfits. So, being the faithful, sensitive and observant friends that we were, we decided to gift her - yes, you guessed it right - jewelry and that too a 24-carat necklace! Her excitement knew no bounds.

The D-Day dawned bright and clear. Armed with a gift-wrapped box, we entered her Birthday Party. Balloons, streamers, a large number of common and uncommon friends and relatives greeted our gang. In fact, she had been so excited by our proposition of gifting her a 24 carat necklace, she had told it to all her guests. So when we entered, all eyes automatically drifted to the gift-wrapped box in my hand.

After the cake-cutting ceremony (and a large piece in my mouth), we decided the momentous time had come when we'd gift her, her birthday present. With guests gathering around, all of us together, chorused a BIGGG HAPPY BIRTHDAY to her and handed it over to her. The box was bigger than a normal jewelry box but our innocent friend herself gave an explanation for it - 'Box ke andar box, uske andar box, usmein mera necklace hai na?' (The gift is within a box which is inside another box, isn't it?). We suppressed a giggle.

She removed the wrapping and pulled out a string of... 24 bright orange, garden-fresh CARROTS!!! We howled and doubled up with laughter, seeing the incredulous look on her face. She too took it in a sporty spirit and actually wore the Carrot Necklace with us in a group photograph. Of course, we were not heartless and after all the shrieks, giggles and snorts of laughter had died down, we gave her her real gift - a necklace with a stone-studded carrot as pendant - to remind her of her 24-carrot necklace!

Buzurgon ne kahan hai ki...

2009-01-19T20:49:00.006+05:30

I got a chance to spend a considerable amount of time with my grand-uncle (my grand-father's brother) in the last week - his illness being the reason that I was off blogging for the past 7 odd days. In-depth discussions and debates, logical arguments and counter-arguments on a variety of topics have been the characteristic of this relationship. One such topic of discussion was the generation gap and what are the differences that prevail between his generation and mine and hence, are we truly better off than our fore-fathers... We discussed this topic thoroughly, touching on science & technology, religion, politics, economic and social changes and a host of other subjects but what stayed with me was the New-Indian-Middle-Class-Nuclear-Family that has emerged in our generation. So what am I talking about? Let me elaborate...

A lot of my friends are getting married in 2009 and hence, marriage is a common and favourite topic among us. And today, all the Dulhes want their Dulhaniyas to be qualified and employed. The couple would want a dual-income set-up to be financially strong and independent. After marriage, they want to spend atleast a few years away from their immediate families, giving time to each other to understand and adjust to each others' comforts and concerns, valuing their freedom and independence. The joint-family system has given way to the nuclear system where the definition of a family is limited to Hubby, wifey and kiddi(es). They are in control of their lives, demanding that parents relinquish their 'interferences' and give them space. They lead a fast-paced life-style, battling traffic, board-meetings, presentations and managing responsibilities at home. In my home, I may do my laundry after midnight, may give marathon amount of clothes for ironing every two weeks, sleep late, buy groceries and provisions every weekend, do epic amounts of cooking for the week etc. To my parents and grand-parents, it looks to be an undisciplined, chaotic life. But, to me and loads of other married, working women and men, it is a convenient way of life since it is the only time we have. Men no longer can say that they will not contribute to the house-work. I think the relationship is much more equitably balanced, with both the partners sharing the load. Couples no longer want kids within a year of marriage. The Dual-Income-No-Kids is increasingly becoming accepted. Time is very precious and so weekends are strictly reserved for family and couples dislike intrusions by neighbours, bosses and even relatives and friends.

The hand-phone, SMSes, e-mails have increasingly become a part of the couple's daily life. I have my hand-phone in the power-on mode 24*7. It is a compulsive need to be connected all the time. Same goes for e-mails. I have friends who refresh their inboxes every 3-4 minutes to check for new mails. Scraps, twitters, commenting on blogs are the norm today for keeping in touch. Orkut, Facebook, chat rooms and other social networking sites have seen record memberships due to this new surge of online netizens. We no longer read news-papers. E-paper, news sites, RSS feeds, Google Reader keep us more updated than never before. We buy flight / train / bus / movie tickets online, send flowers and e-cards on special occasions through the Internet, read digitized books and do video-conferencing as if we were born with these skills. We are way more comfortable with living with loans and credit than our previous generations.

English has become the universal language. What with a rise in inter-state marriages and it being a common work-place language, couples transcend linguistic barriers to speak the Queen's language at home as well. Popularity of yoga, power-yoga, meditation, Art of Living are on an all-time rise, being directly proportional to increase in stress in our lives. We love to immerse ourselves in reality shows - Bigg Boss, Indian Idol, Nach Baliye - where we feel a sense of God-like power and control by voting, deciding the fate of the contestants.

The vegetable markets have given way to retail stores and super / hyper marts where all provisions are available under one roof. Branding matters a lot to us - we are more quality conscious. Instant foods, Ready-made Masalas, 'Just-add-water-and-serve', 'Heat-and-serve' are our savers when we have sudden guests / reach home too late to cook / traveling and there is no-one to cook / don't know how to cook :) All the secret tips and yummy recipes which my mother had inherited from her mom / mom-in-law will be lost to my next generation. There is no Handing-Over-Taking-Over (HOTO) as we call it, in HR terminologies, when an employee resigns. I may be able to teach my daughter how to multi-task between her career and her home, how to pick up the veggies which can make quick dishes, which appliances are mandatory to run a home (vacuum-cleaner, dish-washer, washing machine, refrigerator etc) but I will not be able to pass on to her how to make elaborate meals which take hours of preparation; how to sew, mend, knit, embroider; how to keep a house spick and span; how to give effective child-care without the aid of a maid / play-school / crèche / day-care center... These were a given in the generation of my parents but today, cooking elaborate dishes is a relaxation and embroidery is a hobby.

There are so many subtle changes that differentiate us from our forefathers… are we really better off than they were - well, in some ways we are. Our life has become convenient, more comfortable and more connected, we are more aware, educated and have access to vast information at the click of a button but unfortunately, we do not have as much time to enjoy it, given the stress and strain of modern city life.Technology has given us ease but we have become more demanding and less satisfied. We today, not only want a television but it has to be a 39” plasma HDD TV with 450 stations, a DVD Drive with Blue-tooth connectivity and split screen technology. I think we have got used to a fast life where we may have physical comforts but deteriorating mental peace and perennially short of time.

Welcome 2009!!!

2009-01-12T01:28:00.000+05:30

Just in time... before Jan'09 got over...

If the year 2008 was one which you started reasonably optimistic....

And you finished it somehow worn out....

You felt alone in the world

With a couple of extra wrinkles

And some kilos too much...

If you forgot more than one important obligation during the year...

Not to speak about the disagreements with your boss....

And more than one objective remained beyond reach

If that year your morale was sometimes low....

Here comes a new year !

To celebrate as it must be....

With tenderness

With love

And with a lot of humour

May 2009 be the year of the big jump !

Mohammad Ali Jinnah

2009-01-10T02:20:00.001+05:30

It is quite amazing what unique names parents give their children. And it needs to be mentioned what led me to think of this...

I am sitting at the airport, waiting for my flight to be announced when I hear this... 'This is a paging call for Mr. Mohammad Ali Jinnah passenger travelling on flight XYZee... Mr. Mohammad Ali Jinnah (MAJ), you are requested to proceed for boarding through Gate Number 2 on the ground floor immediately!' And as I glanced around, I saw, like me, tens of pairs of eyes looking expectantly at Gate 2, waiting to catch a glimpse of the unfortunate MAJ. Among other passengers were a group of college guys who were seated beside me. Within seconds of the announcement, there were bets on how MAJ looked.

... "Hatta Khatta hona chahiye... Naam jaisa" (Should be well-built, just like his name);

... "Height toh goga hi" (Must be tall);

... "Hope he is tall, dark, handsome (TDH)", one of the girls gushed..

"Yaar, pata kaise chalega kaun hai MAJ?" (How will we know who is MAJ?).

Promptly, one of the guys jumped up and walked towards Gate 2. In my mind, Fatty, the master of disguises and secret seekers of Enid Blyton came to my mind. Within minutes, a smart, suited person approached the Gate. All our eyes, the group and mine, flew towards our secret service agent (SSA) who very subtly leaned towards the counter pretending to ask about the flight schedule, to catch the name on the ticket. He then turned towards us and gave a thumbs down. The girl who had gushed about the TDH bit, almost stifled a sob.

By then, our excitement was high. Any passenger movement towards the Gate immediately drew our eyes towards our SSA. And finally our patience paid off. With a repeat of the announcement still on, we saw a small man, no taller than 5 feet, dressed in blue jeans and a bright orange shirt rushing towards the gate. We were so sure that, after our big speculations on the TDH bit, there was no way he even came close to our mental picture and so some didn't even bother to look at our SSA. A small gasp from the girl made us look up. With a face full of incredulity and humour, SSA was walking towards us with a thumbs-up and a grin.

Made me think of all the times I have pictured and expected things to be in a certain way and got so involved with the mental picture that I would start believing it to be true and being bitterly disappointed in the end when things turn out very different, giving little thought that things were always the way they were and it was I who conjured it up differently in my head.

Anyway, had a good laugh on this, both at the situation and myself. Poor MAJ, he must be the source of disappointment to lots of passengers in many an airports!

A Cow in the Ditch!!!

2009-01-09T04:15:00.003+05:30

This was a story narrated by the Country Business Manager of my Company. I liked it for its ability to set the organizations thinking on its priorities, decision-making skills and shared responsibilities.

The story revolves around a big ranch with two big shot cowboys and their respective teams. The ranch owner, a rather burly man with great strength and control, runs the ranch. Strength and resilience are the key features of the two cowboys who have great management skills.

One day, an incident that challenges their leadership abilities takes place in the ranch.

The ranch is large and has many ditches, ravines etc. A cow falls into the ditch and is severely hurt causing a commotion among the 2 teams.

The fallen cow - a "good" cow, needs to be saved at all costs.

Few options are played out to solve the problem of the "fallen cow":

A. The 2 teams come together, one cowboy takes the lead, shoots the other cowboy and the cow and gives the message to the ranch owner - "Shot the cowboy who had caused trouble to the cow. Incidentally, cow also died."

B. The two cowboys, given that they are "tech" savvy decide to have an intellectual discussion over emails. Multiple emails are sent back and forth and additional folks (sheriff, bar owner, milkman, baker, etc.) are added to the email/intellectual discussions. Waiting for help, the cow dies.

C. One cowboy comes to rescue with his team, tries desperately to pull the cow out using all means while the other cowboy merely critiques on the process, ability, and the intent of the first cowboy....pontificating from the sidelines.

D. Both cowboys and their teams come together, quickly draw out a game plan, throw in the rope and save the cow. Also, build a fence around the ditch to protect the other cows from falling....thus showcasing value of speed & teamwork & foresight.

E. All the focus is on the fallen cow....while the other good cows aren't attended to and they start falling ill and dying.

F. Cow gets saved with great effort and some band aid is put on the rescued cow without checking whether cow needed additional attention like fracture, medication etc. So, cow is not fully recovered, due to patchy rescue/repair done & falls into ditch again.

As you ponder over these scenarios and feel that the answer is clear, just step back and think which person best represents you, your ranch, and the process? What would your response be, if you were the ranch owner and could decide on the course of action?

Dil Ki Aawaaz...

2009-01-08T00:42:00.011+05:30

Have you seen the Tata Indicom AD - Suno Dil Ki Aawaaz

Ye narrow-minded galiyaan kahin toh jaake khulengi...
(These narrow-minded lanes should open-up somewhere)

Suna hai khwabon ko room mein baand rakhne se par nikal jate hain...
(I have heard that if you lock up your dreams in a room, the wings fall off)

Shayaad khwahishoon ko udne ke liye thodi aur practice karni padegi...
(Maybe, I need a little more practice, to let my dreams soar)

Raahoon mein khade milestones sirf dooriyaan batate hain...
(Milestones on the road show only the distances)

Ziddi aarmano ki koi speed limit nahin hoti...
(There is no speed limit of stubborn resolutions)

Chusth sarkon ko bhi kadmon ke wake-up call ki zaroorat hoti hai
(There are times when even healthy, spirited roads need wake-up calls)

Mein apne dil ki aawaaz ko sunta hoon kyunki Dil ki aawaaz sunnewalon ko koi ansuna nahin kar sakta.
(I always listen to my heart 'coz no one can ignore those who follow their hearts!)

This Dil-Ki-Aawaaz has, at times, intrigued me. And there were moments when an overdose of Karan Johar's 'K' movies with all the dils and their aawaazes had got me deaf and disoriented. But, if I sit down in a quiet corner and think of all those Dil-Ki-Aawaaz moments in my life, there is one common factor in them... the Silence!

Let me elaborate on this :

The time I won the elocution competition in all three languages in school - the hat-trick was so unexpected that I was numb with surprise and ecstasy.

The very first time I was to stay away from my parents, since my dad got transferred and I had already taken admission in my college and did not want to leave it. I can remember vividly, the cold, clammy fingers around my heart, as I bid good-bye to my parents, their car pulling out of the drive-way... my parents were proud of the fact that I was taking my first bold steps towards independence and self-reliance and yet was worried about how things will be. I, who had very bravely (and stubbornly) insisted that I wanted to continue in my new college and hence was staying back, for a weak moment, wanted to turn back time and wish them back, their comfort and security. But there was only silence...

The last day of my graduation is something which I remember very vividly. We are a group of eight girls (with the corny name HASH (#) - Hum Aaath Saath Hain (We Eight are Together) - which I had come up with on the lines of Hum Saath Saath Hain (We All Are Together)- the movie and in a weak moment of uncontrollable laughter when I proposed this, this name stuck on). Four years was a long time to spend and it had given us tonnes of happy memories. That evening, after farewell, when we just didn't want to let go of our memories and the campus and us parting, the Mumbai local trains started and my group waving a Bye from the door and my heart beating fast...

The moment when I was felicitated with the University topper award in the hands of Hon. Prime Minister - Manmohan Singh. I had to pinch myself to believe it was happening... and yet, in spite of so much cheering and clapping, I just heard my heartbeats and a silent prayer for bringing the day in my life.

The times I saw / spoke to my secret crush and he smiled back at me... No words exchanged... just blushes and silences and smiles...

The day my hubby (then my bf) proposed to me on the beach and I was filled with mixed emotions - joy, thrill, happiness, Is-this-really-happening, heart beating real fast...

Its difficult to put in words, the power of silence.

...the silence when a soldier brings news to the wife of a martyr that her husband is no more
... the silence when the mother holds her baby in her arms for the first time
... the silence when you encounter your biggest fear for the first time
... the silence of a large group of people, protesting in a candle-light march
... the silence in a church when all are in deep prayer

Grief, Jubilation, Surprise, Fear, Anger, Hope - every emotion can be communicated in silence.

Silences are moments when we are listening to our inner voice, our hearts and our conscience. There are so many of these special, cherished moments... but in my life, for each of these special times, there has been a moment of stillness, numbness, silence... like Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb... and in those moments, I have heard my heart speak, in beats, I have heard my soul stir, brimming with emotions... and I have felt, in those few minutes / seconds my true core self and who I really am.

Men, Mind and Memory...

2009-01-06T21:52:00.005+05:30

For those of us who have seen the movie Memento, which was the inspiration for Aamir Khan's Ghajini will agree that it is not a direct ^C^V (Cut-Copy-Paste). But this post is not another movie review. After the movie released, this cartoon, did a number of rounds in my inbox. And that is the inspiration of my post!

At the outset, I don't quite agree with this universal accusation against men... Ask a man who won the F1 championship ten years ago and pat will come the reply. Ask him about cars, bikes, sports or tech (for the geeky kinds) and they will be more than happy to share (and at times very proudly so) all that has ever happened in the past, is happening in the present and very confidently will happen in the future on these areas. My point being, men don't forget - they just pay attention and absorb only what interests them and conveniently ignore the rest. It's like what my hubby, with an innocent look on his face, often tells me when I, very exasperated, would be tearing my straightened, blow-dried and set hair out and telling him for the umpteenth time that he had forgotten to switch of the fan / light / anniversary / some bill payment which he had very solemnly PROMISED he was responsible to pay and a hundred other things - "Baby, why do you think I have married you... you are sooo good at these things that I can now concentrate on the more important things in life (read - the latest invention of Apple / news in Gaza / newest applications of Google / stocks / his blog / other blogs / food / sleep!!!). Argggh!!!

And then there are people like us - ask us the colour of your shirt on our first date, the perfume your mother wore on her fiftieth wedding anniversary, the last time we fought and what you had said which made me cry and what you promised me last Monday morning when you got up - we will be able to repeat it back to you verbatim, complete with expressions and emotions.

I had heard this joke some years ago and it stayed with me...

And then there was Bob who could never remember his wife's birthday. Finally, his wife could take it no more when, yet again, he forgot the special day. "Enough is enough! Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has, since then, been missing!

Women always worry about the things that men forget;

Men always worry about the things women remember!!! :)

Bubbles...

2009-01-05T23:09:00.006+05:30

"Are you sure this is a good idea? Hmm... I don''t think so... Aur kuch soch na (Think of something else)."
Raj paced the length of the conference room. He was more anxious than I was.

"Arre, you're the one who comes up with such great ideas and today, when you have such a big task at hand, kaise sad ideas de raha hai (What sad ideas you are coming up with)."

He gave me a hopeless look. I burst out laughing, more at the irony of the situation than my best friend. The situation, through Raj's eyes, is very grim. I am going to propose to the love-of-my-life, Diya, and Raj is more critical of all my ideas of what gift I should give her. In fact, this very moment, he is giving me a very disapproving look, at my outburst. He just won't let me make light of the situation. Raj, being him, needs to make meticulous planning, going down to the granular details of exactly what colour ribbon should be used to wrap my gift... Oh yes, coming back to the present (pun intended)... we are still yet to finalise the GIFT! He has mercilessly shot down roses (Forever type ka kuch dena chahiye - You should gift something that lasts her forever), jewelry (Agar usse pasand nahin aaya toh! - What if she does not like it?), greeting cards (Kanjoos!!! - miser), bunnies and teddies (Arre, kuch toh original sooch! - Think of something original), chocolates (Har time khaane ki hi soochta hai! - All you can think about is food). I was about to suggest my most wonderful idea of gifting 'Myself' but, seeing Raj's fierce face, I decided to keep quiet.

Hey, I'm the protagonist here but as usual, Raj is hogging up all the limelight. What was I feeling while Raj was making the Perfect Plans? I was in my own world - in fact, I felt on Cloud Number 9. I didn't want to come down tonight, just like Bryan Adams had crooned. And why should I not be happy? Diya was a wonderful girl. She was just I had always dreamt my girl would be - simple, full of life, witty, charming and understanding. I had known her for a little over a year and she had filled all those times with laughter and sunshine. In fact, that's what I called her - my Sunshine. And as I had started spending more and more time with her, I had started feeling I understand her as well. Her silences, her sudden giggles, her sparkling eyes on seeing gol-gappa, her shrieking when a cockroach dared to approach within ten feet of her. And there were those times as well, when all she said was 'Nothing' and my repeated asking / begging / pleading would not budge her out of her silences. Those were the only times I wondered whether I actually understood her or was she an enigma as I had heard all women are, to men.

But the best thing about her was her incessant conversations. She loved to talk about every little detail of her day. I sometimes wondered whether some one's day could really be filled with so many teeny -tiny days in them. When she would ask me how my day was, all I would say was 'Fine', 'OK', 'Great' or 'Lousy' depending on what mood my boss was in. I mean, what more is there to talk about?

And then there was the time we both were at Juhu beach, hand in hand, walking through the white, frothy waves. There was a gentle breeze blowing and the sun was about to set. If you have been to Juhu, you would know the large number of crowds the beach attracts. Suddenly, her eyes lit up. She left my hand and skipped towards this old, wizened man selling balloons and blow-bubble liquid. She bought a bottle and turned towards me, her eyes bright and the smile of a kid on her lips.

"Look what I found!", she said in a loud, excited voice.

"Baby, grow up!" I didn't know whether to give an embarrassed smile or laugh indulgently. People around us stopped to look at her and some of them smiled at her.

"Why should I?" Her laugh finally made me laugh with her as bubbles drifted up, towards the sky.

This was on our first date. Over time, as I said, I have started understanding her and her innocence. But, more than understanding her, I have begun to understand myself and my feelings. I now see myself responding to situations and later thinking about them. I may not need to share my boring work life with her but I know I need to give her a patient listening when she wants to speak. I need to show as much enthusiasm in her little joys as she does. I know she understands the fact that we are different and we need to work towards our relationship. I love basketball and know she hates sports and yet she doesn't complain when I disappear for my weekend games - the only real time we can spend together. But all she needs from me then is to know that she is in my thoughts and the one SMS telling her I miss her. I don't mind doing these for her. A few years ago, I would be very surprised if I were to consider changing myself for someone else. Today, it comes naturally to me.

"So, what are you going to get her?" interjected Raj into my thoughts, "Yaar, I think I know what you should buy her." I smiled. I know Raj would say it but it didn't matter. I no longer wanted to know. This special occasion would be ours. Just Diya's and mine. I was going to propose to her. The setting would be perfect. And I was going to take a bottle of blow-bubble liquid for her.

150 Things To Do Before You Turn Thirty

2009-01-04T04:00:00.006+05:30

I came across this list here. Loved the list... some have intriguing things, others bizzare and then there are those which I would love to do.

The things that I have already done are in green and bold.

The things which I would love to do are in pink and bold.

Here I go!!

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink

02. Swam with dolphins

03. Climbed a mountain

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid

06. Held a tarantula

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone (Hmm.... ;) )

08. Said “I love you” and meant it

09. Hugged a tree

10. Bungee jumped

11. Visited Paris

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise

14. Seen the Northern Lights

15. Gone to a huge sports game

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables

18. Touched an iceberg

19. Slept under the stars

20. Changed a baby’s diaper

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon

22. Watched a meteor shower

23. Gotten drunk on champagne

24. Given more than you can afford to charity

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment

27. Had a food fight

28. Bet on a winning horse

29. Asked out a stranger

30. Had a snowball fight

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can

32. Held a lamb

33. Seen a total eclipse

34. Ridden a roller coaster

35. Hit a home run

36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment

39. Had two hard drives for your computer

40. Visited all 50 states

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk

42. Had amazing friends

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country

44. Watched whales

45. Stolen a sign

46. Backpacked in Europe

47. Taken a road-trip

48. Gone rock climbing

49. Taken a midnight walk on the beach

50. Gone sky diving

51. Visited Ireland

52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them

54. Visited Japan

55. Milked a cow

56. Alphabetized your CDs

57. Pretended to be a superhero

58. Sung karaoke

59. Lounged around in bed all day

60. Played touch football

61. Gone scuba diving

62. Kissed in the rain

63. Played in the mud

64. Played in the rain

65. Gone to a drive-in theatre

66. Visited the Great Wall of China

67. Started a business

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken

69. Toured ancient sites

70. Taken a martial arts class

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight

72. Gotten married

73. Been in a movie

74. Crashed a party

75. Gotten divorced

76. Gone without food for 5 days

77. Made cookies from scratch

78. Won first prize in a costume contest

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice

80. Gotten a tattoo

81. Rafted the Snake River

82. Been on a television news program as an “expert”

83. Gotten flowers for no reason

84. Performed on stage

85. Been to Las Vegas

86. Recorded music

87. Eaten shark

88. Kissed on the first date

89. Gone to Thailand

90. Bought a house

91. Been in a combat zone

93. Been on a cruise ship

94. Spoken more than one language fluently

95. Performed in Rocky Horror

96. Raised children

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour

98. Passed out cold

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge

102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking with the windows open

103. Had plastic surgery

104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived

105. Wrote articles for a large publication

106. Lost over 100 pounds

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback

108. Piloted an airplane

109. Touched a stingray

110. Broken someone’s heart

111. Helped an animal give birth

112. Won money on a TV game show

113. Broken a bone

114. Gone on an African photo safari

115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild

118. Ridden a horse

119. Had major surgery

120. Had a snake as a pet

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

122. Slept for 30 hours in a 48 hour period

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States

124. Visited all 7 continents

125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days

126. Eaten kangaroo meat

127. Eaten sushi

128. Had your picture in the newspaper

129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about

130. Gone back to school

131. Parasailed

132. Touched a cockroach

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes

134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey

135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

137. Skipped all your school reunions

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

139. Been elected to public office

140. Written your own computer language

141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care

143. Built your own PC from parts

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you

145. Had a booth at a street fair

146. Dyed your hair

147. Been a DJ

148. Shaved your head

149. Caused a car accident

150. Saved someone’s life

Almost 35% completion rate!! Not Bad... I'll add in a few of the pink ones as my new year resolutions!

My Corner Office...

2009-01-04T01:47:00.013+05:30

I am an avid reader and in my growing years, I have read a lot of fiction. I came across the term 'Corner Office' many times - offices which have windows on two walls, as opposed to a typical office with only one window or none at all. These are typically given to the most senior executives, the term primarily refers to top management positions in the company. And I have always desired one for myself.

Well, here's my version of my corner office - literally since I have my workstation in a corner, with windows on two walls as opposed to others in my function who have just one window!!! (Fits the definition to a 'T', doesn't it? :) )

So, let me begin by talking about all that you see in the pic.

What you see on the extreme left hand side top is one of the two things I hold on to, during my trying days - the Holiday list :). When days are long, one glance at this list keeps me looking forward to a bright, lazy holiday(s).

The next thing beside it is a play ticket - my first theatre show after I moved in here. It was Evam's brand new play, Doubles, Triples & Quadruples - Nobody Stays Single! It had opened to a packed house... There were sketches, monologues, audience interaction galore... and a laughter riot. This was also where I won a lucky draw and clicked happy memories of us in theatre costumes!

Next is a list of twelve of my favourite things :

Shah Rukh Khan - I just love his soulful eyes and his performances. People may talk about stereo-type, chocolate-boy acting but I am one true, blue ardent SRK fan.

The Guitar - Always wanted to learn this musical instrument... I love music and guitar brings songs alive for me - it's my picture of a guy serenading his love while strumming on his guitar and singing romantic numbers!

Thoughts - I am a day-dreamer at times and I have always been told to not think too much!

Wild flowers - I love their colours, shades and hues... I love their spread on lush green fields, running wild and free.

Being wild and free...

Steaming cups of coffee...

Freshly powdered babies!

Moonlight on a calm sea

Taking flight...

Asymmetrical designs

White, frothy waves crashing on rocks - the spray and sound

Prayer

I had come across a mail forward on 'The Woman In Your Life'. I had found it powerful and thought-provoking. It is pinned up on my desk and is reproduced below :

The Woman In Your Life

Here is a girl, who is as much educated and who is earning almost as much as you do;

One who has dreams, aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements;

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise;

One, who can be late from work when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your un-stinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

My cutie cuddly teddy was a gift from my best friend whose snap I keep with me always... more than the teddy itself, I cherish the memories it brings to me when I look at it. The Friends Forever was captured on the day I met her last, just as I was leaving Mumbai.

The most frequently used thing on my desk is the telephone and my hand-phone. There are times when they just keep ringing incessantly, demanding attention.

Next are my list of responsibilities in my work and a long list of phone-a-friend numbers!

Garfield completely symbolizes me when I am at home, chilled out and lazy... and my stress-busters come of use more than once in a day - whether to play catch in office or to bounce it off the wall when I am trying to get some ideas or solve problems.

My daily dose of inspiration comes from my universal calendar - it doesn't have a year so it doesn't become redundant as one year after the other speeds by. Saasta aur tikau!!!

And finally, when I am the most strung and have only one nerve left and still people keep stepping on it, I read Rudyard Kipling's 'IF'. It was sent to me by a very dear friend of mine, on my first day at my first job. We both had joined the company together. He was in the Navy fbefore this job on a short stint and when days were tough, he had found sanity in these words.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

In fact, if I compare my workstation of my earlier company to the current one, this poem is one thing I have carried on from there and I hope it continues to give me my peace in my most crazy times.

...When Venus and Mars meet on Earth!

2009-01-02T19:04:00.011+05:30

As a Human Resource Professional, I handle a number of employees who join the Company from different parts of the country and once they reach the base location, take their time adjusting to the new place. Here, I make it a point to interact with them within a few days of their coming on board. I ask them how they are adjusting to the new city and I have observed men and women having a similar pattern to their answers. If the new recruit is a woman, she will typically talk about how difficult it is to set up her new house, manage kid(s), commute to work, long work hours etc. If the new recruit is a guy, he will talk about how well he has adjusted, how he managed to clinch a deal with his landlord for a lower rent etc. On the face of it, I used to think men are more positive, looking at the brighter side of things whereas women are natural cribbers. Till I spoke to this married couple who had got transferred to the City. When I spoke to the wife separately, she spoke on similar lines about harassing auto fares, about finding the right house, setting it up, kids' school etc while on a one-on-one conversation with her husband, he raved about how he managed to pay low auto fares everyday, the long weekends where he had so much time with kids etc. Here were two people leading the same life, commuting in the same auto, facing the same issues but one spoke about hardships and the other talked about how much things were in his control.

**Poof** For guys, talk is more often a competition where there is one up-manship and they are conditioned such that any display of lack of control is weakness. (Boys don't cry... Mard ko dard nahin hota...) On other hand, we women approach situations, seeking support and consensus. We are very comfortable seeking help and sympathy for our hardships. For us, conversations are a way to reach out, vent out feelings and seek collective solutions.

There was this incident where this couple were out on a drive and the girl-friend asked her guy, "Do you want to eat pizza?". The guy, being his straight-forward self truthfully declined the offer and kept driving. Suddenly, there was tension in the air and complete silence. The girl, who had, in her heart of hearts, actually wanted to stop, became annoyed because she felt her preference had not been considered. The guy, on the other hand, was confused about her anger and then frustrated. "Wouldn't it be easier to just say what you want to do rather than talk in circles?"

**Poof** Girls ask questions, for a dialogue and process of communication, to communicate her choice and negotiate. And guys, being the way they are, just express their preference, which may / may not be a full and final decision but our instincts immediately pick it up as such and we get bugged, accusing him of selfishness and insensitivity. What probably is a better way to handle this is for both to remember this and try not to interpret the same interchange in such conflicting ways.

We both have tonnes of friends who keep dropping in at odd hours and I personally am always for good company. And we have it unsaid between us that before inviting people over, we check with each other, to know convenience and avoid clashes with other commitments. Once I was having this conversation with my friend (guy) who, very candidly, told me that every time he wanted to have people over to his house, he found it a big ego issue to check with his wife whereas she never had issues asking him while inviting her guests over and that how did it work so well between us?

**Poof** For guys, it is a hit on their ego since they feel a curb on their freedom and it seemingly is seeking permission. Whereas for girls, to tell someone that they need to check with their partners makes them feel more special and makes their lives intertwined with each other.

Another very common form of dialogue that happens between us goes something like this :

Me : It is just too hot today!

Him : Arre, just stand in the shade na...

Me : [A teeny-tiny bit of exasperation is forming in my mind] There is no sign of my bus coming. It is getting really late.

Him : Just take an auto then.

Me : [Exasperation levels are rising] I know I can take an auto but it is going to be very expensive.

Him : So then wait for your bus for some more time. Give yourself a deadline after which either take a connecting bus or an auto or check for the nearest train station...

Me : [Touching danger levels] Ok bye! Hmmmmppp!

**Poof** I completely lose my cool when a guy starts giving me obvious solutions which, with my minimal intelligence, I can figure out. All I want at that time, is some support, some sympathy for my sorry state and not A/C chilled solutions! But, looking from his perspective, a guy would want to help and solve the problem and once solved, he would not to discuss it since he thinks there is nothing to solve; hence nothing to discuss.

I had the great fortune of having my home being taken over by IIT guys for the last 24 hours - the occasion being a mini-reunion of sorts. Stress on IITians since they are known to be one group of guys who are perennially deprived of female attention for lack of their presence during their graduation hostel days and fortunate since I couldn't have asked for a better start to my New Year - that they can be such good fun to have around - full of laughter, jokes, leg-pulling and good humour. But here was one gathering where I perceived what would happen when these Martians would ultimately meet the Venusians (based on a variety of conversations, none of which I can reproduce here :) ) and the last 24hours became the inspiration for this post!

Rock On!!!

2008-12-30T23:15:00.007+05:30

When you come to the edge of all things that you know, you must believe one of two things: There will be earth on which to stand, or you will be given wings to fly.

I was browsing lazily one summer afternoon, when I read this line. And it stuck on! What appealed to me was that it glowed with positivism and strength. As a recent advertisement puts it : the edge is just the beginning... a place to fly from...

Now a bit about myself. I’ve been generally having a very 'exciting' life from the time that I can remember. As someone had put it - my life's like the roller-coaster ride - full of ups and downs; thrills and adventures!

And in all of this, I've learnt a few lessens as well :

There are only a few things that truly count for a happy life. I believe, everyone should make this the main purpose of their lives. To be content and happy. And pleasantly, happiness and peace of mind can be achieved by giving them to others. It is the simplest and easiest way to a good life. I believe one should do essentially whatever it takes, within ethics and limits of one's personal beliefs, to be happy.

Know when to try harder and when to walk away. Having lived through my life (and living, as I speak), I’ve realised that, in retrospect, most of the things don’t matter. So much of what I got excited about, anxious about, or wasted my time and energy on, turned out not to matter. I am a perfectionist and there have been tonnes of times, I've been reluctant to let go of a project or a situation because I was not happy with the outcome. But I've grown to realise that there are very few things in life that you really have a control over and those are the ones that really count.

Life hurts at times. Endure. Grieve. Move on. This has been, till date, my biggest learning and I'm still grasping it. I understand the first. I do the second and third. But I invariably get stuck at step 4. The moving on bit is still something I need to come fully to terms with. It takes enormous amount of will-power for me to let go of situations where I feel life has been unfair to me. And all this despite the fact that it is crystal clear to me that the only person who suffers in this is me! The mind, inspite of all its intelligence and rationality, can be very incredibly stupid at times! So, know where to go... be it to your best friend... or a charming inn in the woods... when your soul needs soothing.

Be a free spirit. I think laughter, the sparkle in one's eyes, the radiance and glow on one's face when one is happy, is the best panacea for all ailments - physical and mental. I would always want to be a kiddo in my heart.

Keep up the excitement and the enthusiasm. Climb the tallest mountain, swim the longest water body you can find. Picnic at midnight. Take up a new hobby. See new places. Or simply take a midnight drive to the beach and stick around for dawn. My point is to take advantage of what you have: energy, idealism, enthusiasm, a willingness to experiment, a lack of encumbrances, a desire to learn and grow.

...and finally, friendships are the best relationships one can have in this lifetime. They heal the heart, soothe the soul and provide laughter and support when you need them the most. I believe a loyal friend stays loyal under enormous amounts of thoughtless abuse and I am blessed to have such great friends in my life. They help me remain sane in the craziest of moments and double the happiness in my craziest of moments as well. :)

The choice is yours...

I’ve hit rock bottom so many times that at a point, I’ve just reconciled with the fact that I’m destined to have an exciting life and present the world with a very charming autobiography at the end of it! And I'm glad that all of the above, my life experiences, will find space and meaning in it.

Fundamental Attribution Error

2008-12-26T19:57:00.007+05:30

There are always some memories, good or bad, that stay with us and we don't know why we cannot forget them. For example, there are certain words or situations that are just stuck in my mind and although I know in which context they were used, the situation was so insignificant that, rationally, they do not warrant a permanent etch in one's memory. But there they are...

One such term is 'Fundamental Attribution Error'. I remember it, not for the concept but the situation in which it came up. I was caught up in neck-deep work, running against deadlines when I received a call from a senior colleague in my function. He was going to give a talk on Organizational Behavior and wanted me to take up this topic. Being caught up in a lot of work, I politely declined but the term stuck on. And at repeated, random intervals, this term keeps popping up like an affinity diagram - say the news reports on Mumbai terror attacks brought up religious fundamentalism and this term jumped up from the depth of my cranium; or my hubby was speaking to his friend and said 'Don't put fundaes' and POP! There it was, dancing in front of my eyes... I can go on and on about the various affinities which bring up this term. So today, I decided to finally read on it in-depth in the hope that finally, it will cease to haunt me!

I read it up online here. Interesting concept! What this theory talks about is simply that we have a tendency to judge people basis what 'kind' of personality he / she has rather than the external forces which are at play in the situation. Here, external forces could range from social, political or environmental. Which translates to this : say, there is a student who by nature, is not disciplined in school and has not done his homework for the day. While judging this student, we may tend to say 'What better can you expect out of him - he is anyway an in-disciplined child', rather than considering external conditions influencing his behavior viz., illness or not understanding the class work or genuine personal problems. The reverse theory to this is actor-observer theory which over-emphasizes the situation rather than the nature of the person. So, while judging this case, applying the latter theory, we may tend to say 'Poor child, he must have had a bad headache OR the teacher must have not explained well in class' while the genuine reason could have been that the child is lazy and not disciplined.

Goosey Gander! Too much Gnyaan! But, I started applying this to my life and my experiences and I came up with the following insight :

Just the other evening, I felt like having one of those marathon conversations with my hubby. So, I pulled out of my fervent blogging and asked him if he was free. "Sure", he said. So I picked up two steaming-cups-of-coffee and sat across him and was just about to launch into one of my never-ending bakbak sessions when he said, "I have to call chechi". He picked up his phone and started speaking to her. And there I was, listening to a conversation I could not understand a word of (since it was in Malayalam). I waited for a few minutes then got up and walked off, bugged and hurt about his 'insensitivity'.

Later, when he asked me what had happened, I, being me, launched in this story of how he should have told me he wanted to speak to his sis and so should not have called me for the conversation... then should have told me how long the conversation would take... and how could he do this to me / treat me like this... and these had hurt me deeply.

With every word and every crib and every way in which I described how fatally he had hurt me, my hubby was more and more surprised.

"But you never told me you wanted to talk so much... I thought you just wanted to have coffee..." (Since I had asked, in so-many-words 'Are you free?' not indicating that I wanted to speak to him - hence he was free to assume anything!)

"I didn't think you would get so worked up; I would have told you how long my call would take..."

"Of course I love you... what were you thinking..."

:) Now I know FAE was at play. I attributed his behavior to a deliberate choice, but he might have made another choice if he had been aware of what I was assuming. In other words, I was attributing it to his personality than the situation or context. However, when it came to analyzing my own behavior, I gave greater importance to the situation I was in than my own personality traits. Classic FAE!

And coming to think of it, most of us do it all the time and some of us do / have done this most of the times in their lives.

Phew! Now that I have read up on the term as well as applied it in real life, I hope this concept stops haunting me! But, as I said earlier, the concept may stop chasing me but will I ever be able to rid myself of this error? Let's leave that for another cup of coffee!!! :)

My Dream Came True... !!!

2008-12-21T20:26:00.009+05:30

Do you day-dream? Of being the richest, fastest, most beautiful, powerful... Of having the perfect features, a sculpted body, a personality that combines exuberance with style?

And what would you feel when you are showered recognition, adulation and admiration in the press, the media and the Internet? When a thousand flashlights follow your every move, when a thousandfold people know you compared to who you know, when mothers across the world put you as a role-model for their children, when you are a person respected for your intelligence and envied for your beauty? When your career and personality blaze a trail others would dream of following but your elfin charm and natural flair will find no successful inheritor...

Well, I had a chance to feel all of the above when I was given the honour of the World's Greatest Business Mind at a glittering ceremony at The Hilton. I was chosen out of thousands of nominees from five continents by the International Collective Council of Excellence. It was a night of much fanfare and glamour. I was in the glare of media spotlight and mobbed by crowds. It was instant adulation and dizzying fame. I stood tall, reveling in my success, celebrating my inner happiness and hopefully inspiring others through my example.

The media reports were published here.

It was my dream come true... well, almost!!! :)